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Another week, another Memoirs of the SLU…shhKid.  Welcome as always.  Thank you for stopping by to read the Memoirs this week, here are the rules for those of you who are new to this side of 360life and to the regulars, YOU are always appreciated. Read on!!!

Friday, 2nd July 2010

Dear Diary,

It’s yet another Friday and like we say in ABE “Tonight, we soar!”

Last night taught me a lesson in appreciation and will forever change my perception about certain things. I got stuck in traffic with a friend and after we finished talking about everything, she decided to open up to me to tell me certain things about her that I should know.  She didn’t try to code or make it sound “chassis”, she said it in plain clear English “Nobs, I’m epileptic”.   That single sentence changed the way I feel about her and all the things I thought I knew about her. All I could think of at that moment was a hug. I hugged her and I held on tight. I didn’t want to let go of her. I instantly wished I could change her situation and stop whatever pain she goes through. She told me her attacks come almost every month and in some cases she only wakes up to see herself surrounded by total strangers.  I don’t get it? Why is life unfair to certain people? Why is it something she cannot outgrow or something? She has lived with this pain for more than 20 years now and no matter how much you think you know about what she’s going through, her alone can truly describe the pain.  I’ve been to different comedy shows where the comedians told certain jokes about Epilepsy that I thought was funny and just like most people I laughed out loud-that will never happen again.

If you are reading this and you know what she can do to make her live through this with less pain, please let me know……just anything, drugs, food, group, doctor or research. (

I got a simple BBM from Shirls  “I miss you”

Hmmmm, did I ever introduce you lot to Shirls? I guess i haven’t.  Now let me inform you of how Shirls crept into my SLU…shh life.

(Meeting Shirls) I was walking into E Centre, Yaba when I saw her. She walked towards me with a huge smile on her face and when she got closer…

Shirls: Hey!
Nobs: Hellooo
Shirls: My name is Shirls

Nobs: My name is….(she cuts in)
Shirls: I know who you are, Noble Igwe (with a big whitening Closeup toothpaste ad smile).
Nobs: Oh okay

Shirls: You look different up close
Nobs: Really. So where are you off to?
Shirls: Home
Nobs: Oh seen
Shirls: Yeah…Do you come here often?
Nobs: Yeah, Koko Lounge
Shirls: Oh I see.
Nobs: Erm, okay. Do you want to go up with me?
Shirls: Nah, I’ve got to go but we can see some other time.
Nobs: Here my is number and bbpin
Shirls: Oh great.

Two days later we hooked up for a drink at Bungalows with Red V and Henny. So when I got her BBM, I instantly invited her for the football viewing at Tymeout Lounge, Ikeja.

Shirls got to my office and we left for match viewing in Ikeja. We chilled a lil bit in the lounge after the match.  Without sounding “somehow”, did you know that the way babes dress to go clubbing on the mainland is totally different from what is obtainable on the island?  On the Island, we see butt crack but on the mainland you’ll see hairs plus the butt crack. Secondly, babes dress to club like they are visiting a neighborhood shop on the mainland – Lycra gown, Atmosphere slippers completed with one “if-you-like-Gucci, you’ll-like-our-GuGci” handbag.

We got back to the Island and ended up at De Marque but when Shirls started grinding on me the only thing I could think about was home. I was still trying to convince her to go home with me when Biola (from wk 4) walked up to me.

Biola: Hey stranger
Nobs: Hey Bee. Na wah oo. You just fashied me like that?
Biola: Really? I read your Memoirs and I saw what you wrote about me.
Nobs: Erm I hope you are not mad (I excused myself from Shirls and walked downstairs with Biola)
Biola: So the poor girl upstairs is making the diary on Monday? I hope you told her.
Nobs: I did (my nose grew a lil longer).
Biola: Okay. I really don’t mind what you wrote but you should have kept in touch. Not even a ping.
Nobs: I’m so sorry
Biola: You know that saying about paying an Ashewo?
Nobs: No (My nose grew a lil more longer)
Biola: Ok, I’ll tell you. The only reason person dey pay Ashewo be say someday e go hungry you again. Don’t put yourself in such a position, Nobs.
Nobs: I’m sorry. You are looking hawt (I pinched her ass a lil)
Biola: I know and just so you know, the Vodka is making me horny but then someone has got company.
Nobs: The Company is just for one night. Saturday night is free. Can the Vodka keep you w*t for two nights?
Biola: First time was very easy for you, this time you have to work for it.
Nobs: I put my hand under her short gown and inserted a finger
Biola: Noooobbs, I don’t care who she is b -but if you get me there, we are so leaving this place together without your Shawls.
Nobs: Her name is Shirls and we can play as a group.
Biola: Nobs, I’m a jealous lover, I don’t share d*cks and I’m a legendary co*k blocker. I can’t. Call me Saturday night. (She inserted a finger inside her and put it in my mouth). Taste what you are going to miss tonight.
Nobs: Let’s go to my car…
Biola: You’re keeping another lady waiting.

Biola swayed walked away leaving me standing on my three legs.  I went back to Shirls, apologized for leaving her alone and asked that we call it a night. Immediately we got into my room, I went straight to my stereo and selected my favourite track of the moment Pope’s “Baale, Baale” and while the Pope was blessing me with words like “Wan ri opa ase, wan mere” (translation- they’ll see the staff and run), I held Shirls back from running.

Download Pope’s Baale Baale here.

  Baale Baale (4.1 MiB, 4,058 hits)

[ti_audio media=”2226″]

Saturday, 3rd July 2010

Dear Diary,

Woke up in the morning and Shirls was not by my side. I went to the living room and she was not there. I went to the balcony and my car was missing and then it dawned on me. She’s gone with my car.  How do I start? I only met her at the E centre and the only things I know about her are, erm……phone number and pin. I tried her number but it kept saying, “can’t be reached”.  The sweatbeads are coming up already, stomach just about to start its churning process….

I went to my sister’s room and sat on her bed…..

Nobs: Babes, I’m finished
Cha: What’s the problem?
Nobs: I think Shirls ran away with my car. Should I call the police?
Cha: Mba, she went to Shoprite to get breakfast for you guys
Cha: Yes!!!!
Nobs: Let me go and wait for her. I pray she comes back. (I tried her number again and it went through). Heeeeyyyy…
Shirls: You’re awake? I didn’t want to wake you up. I had to go get breakfast. I’m on your street already.
Nobs: Oh, I’m coming to the balcony then.

Seeing her come out of the car, I tweeted “maybe I should get a love child, no?”

I went to meet up with Slim and her sisters together we all went to Dolphin for a shop-warming gig.  I’ve missed Slim, but maybe I should let her know that I really like her but I think I like our friendship the way it is and I fear anything more may damage what we’ve got.

I hooked up with the UnRuLiEs at the Ice Cream factory.  It was a fun few hrs spent like old times and we missed Bubu.

Got home and Shirls was on the bed…almost naked. I made her “completely naked”. 😉

Sunday, 4th July 2010

Dear Diary,

Turning point (Yes, people, T-U-R-N-I-N-G point) – Disclaimer: Still unaware of what is happening to the left side of my brain.

Ok, so I woke up this morning and I got thinking maybe it’s about time I changed.

Now here is what I have on my platter …..who should i CHOOSE?

Slim: Young, successful and very posh. We’ve been “just friends” for sometime now but I’ve been thinking maybe I should take it to the new level.

Ada: Young, naive, a virgin but still a student. Mum’s connection & favourite

Biola: Not so young. A one night stand that made me feel very endowed and wants a come back.

Shirls: Very young with a banging body. Very interesting company and real to the bones.

Dear friends, please help me decide whom I should get serious with amongst the four very capable ladies or should i just continue my search for my very own SLU…shhGirl?


Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. Nice!!! I suggest u continue in ur search… Don’t jeopardise ur Friendship with Slim… Relationships come and go buh friendship is a lasting ship… I’m speaking 4rm experience… As 4 Ada, I feel she doesn’t knw wat she wants yet…

  2. I just listened to the song…Baale by Pope and i just cudn’t help but imagine the whole bedroom scenario. Choi!!! But ermmm this part. –>(She inserted a finger inside her and put it in my mouth). Taste what you are going to miss tonight.<--- is just plain Naaasty... Noble you are naaaasty!!! lol 😀

  3. I can’t seem to make up my mind between Slim & Ada, Slim is always there for u, even after reading the last 7 memoirs and Ada comes off as quite naïve but its always a + when ur moms likes a particular person (& remember she’s a virgin *wink wink*)…

  4. “If you like Gucci,you’ll like our GuGci. Kai,only Noble Igwe can come up with something like that…lwkm

  5. Ok now am in love with Biola… dang! Now Nobs dont go wussy on me. WHy should you choose from only four when there are abt 20million more smokin naija babes yet to sample? Wake up bro!!

  6. Don’t choose keep exploring & blogging. My very favorite writer for either comsmo or glamour got married. & the new writer doesn’t pack a punch like the other guy

    1. Not sure if you’ve had any luck downloading the track by now, if you haven’t here is the possible way forward. Are you trying to download via BB or Desktop? If you are using BB try again click on YES for wishing to save and follow the instructions. Try to clear your cache as well by going through your Menu-Options-Cache Operations-Clear content cache. See if this makes any difference. Regards, 360admin.

  7. Nwannem Nwoke infact ehnn I concur wit Boogie-Seminary time for U.Oginni di….I Worry for

    Bera choose by ya sef biko.

    But all d same,Nice writing nd am waiting for week 9

  8. “If u like gucci u’ll like guggi” lol!! Hp d mainland folks let u get away wit d@…….

    as 4 choosin, go wit shirls….no ada….no slim…no ada…on 2nd tot mayb I shud leave d@ 2 odas. ☺

  9. Sorry about ur epileptic friend, give her a hug for me……but lemme just chip in my 2 cents…..if it occurs almost every month, I’m thinking of cyclical seizures i.e it may be in some way related to her menstrual cycle. However, other things can also trigger/cause epileptic seizures. She shouldn’t fret, epilepsy can be successfully managed & she’ll b able to live a near-normal/normal life. She should go see a neurologist at a teaching hospital for proper & extensive examinations and investigations…..if she can make it down here, I can personally take her to one of my senior colleagues.

    As for ur ‘dilemma’, mr man, u have to choose for urself o…….and if u can’t, admission into a seminary just may be closer than u think 🙂

  10. I think I like Ada, she may be naïve as u say, but she’s good for u. And the fact that she’s ur mum’s fav. But Biola is one frecky chic I’ll really love to meet.

  11. Hi,as per yr epileptic friend,life is funny.make sure she has a good tyme wt u always.i’v got asthma and a heart condition,bliv me i live 4 life. As per yr dilema, dont b in a hurry.wat do u need a woman 4? Ans ds questn nd fix in d ryt woman…nxt wk

  12. Nice post..well it depends on the underlying motive on which ur choice is based.Is ur choice driven by SEX LOVE or MONEY? And also can u live with the decision in the future…? Its up 2 u NobZ

  13. been meaning to ask, what’s with the “Seen”? i thot you were having a verbal convo, educate me biko

    BTW, Ada! Ada! Ada! all the way

    another great post

  14. Why on earth will Nobs the pikin…oops Kid I mean wanna settle down? Are u short on ideas for ur memoirs ni….abeg u never 40, ride on but I’m for #teamSlim just so you know… experiences with virgins rules out Ada, don’t ask…Biola and Shirls be #sarewa materials #nuffsaid #okbye!

  15. Ah! The Days of the Unrulies when Nobility (sporting a mohawk) and Bubu would often be found at Swe on Thursday nights dominating the centre-stage and dancing furiously to Omawumi singing Ekwe.

    Kudos on the Old People’s Home thing BTW, do you guys still do that? And where is Bubulicious these days? That fellow is a sight for sore eyes.

    P.S Nobs doesn’t need a seminary, as any Catholic will tell you, quite a number of Seminarian brothers fail to return to the fold, after the one-year sabbatical during which they are supposed to “see the world”. So the seminary is not fool-proof, Nobs needs time in a monastery.

  16. Please don’t choose just yet! Keep sampling and bloging! But even if u wld, hope ada is not an option?? I think she’s a Local Champion.

  17. Hilarious post…
    I dont think you have found HER yet though! If you did, you wouldn’t need to ask…You would KNOW!

  18. nice write up but sumtyms i jst dnt blv dis stories…lyk dey r made up n stuffs…but its ok @ least to brighten one’s day albeit bin nasty………but wait oh is it me not bin proactive enuff ni….all dis random pickin of women and bonkin dem few days lata wen dem no b ashhhhh…na wa ooo

  19. You are one sick muhfucker but I love u like that! Lmfao. Pope’s Baale Baale was a good choice of song btw, I don’t wanna imagine the kinda bedrraction that musta caused. Nice read. One of my favs.

    Love to ur epileptic friend. As for settling down… *sigh* #okBye

  20. What you need to do is take a long rest from women. If you really liked anyone you wont be asking that question. That baale baale track is off the hook. Nice beat.

  21. mr igwe i go with slim all d way…ada will neva fit in to ur lagos lifestyle…we have alot of biolas in lagos and shirls should just b a steady agroquencher.,…ps let me do IT in ur office na…

  22. Dude u like sarewa gan o.. Nofin do u @ all.. But if u think u ready? Go 4 SLIM den… But 1st u need therapy, u aintg a 1 pussy kinda guy..

    Do me a favour, abeg add ALOMO BITTERS 2 ur story next time…hehehehe

  23. Even if u pick,it won’t help,u need therapy,shock therapy. u know,like d loss of ur third leg,that should help u know who truly loves u.

  24. Mr Nobs,
    Your write ups are veryyyyyyyyy erotic OMG!
    Since you are in a dilemma
    These are my two cents
    I think you should imagine life with each woman and decide which you like. Who you rather have a ‘village’ girl – whose village quirk will get old and irritating quickly; the friend that is posh or the freak or better still the Biola.
    At some point you need to decide when to slow down…
    At the end of the day, you alone will live with who ever you choose not your mum or your friend but you. Be wise

  25. before i vote i tink its fair if u let us know if slim have a boyfriend cos its no use voting her when its just going to complicate her life

  26. i feel ur friends pain,having epilepsy aint an easy disorder,its life long and can be very stressfull,even medications wont help,but d individual needs to be aware of her trigger factors,needs not to stress herself both physically and emotionally and take care medications daily,even wit all dis there are no guarantee’s,call ur dr for more advice,or buzz me thru noble,i could help,cos i hav managed cases like dis b4…cheers
    PS:i am a qualified dr for real.

  27. like R.Kelly said…u need a homis,lover friend..
    Slim: Young, successful and very posh.she strikes me as not a homie,besides its untested water so d sex might be crappy,
    Ada: Young, naive, a virgin but still a student,like a fellow blogger said,ada dosent know wat she wants,am sure she dosent even know d real u,u will hav to go to war wit ur mum if u dont take ada,but i wouldnt.
    Biola: Not so young. A one night stand that made me feel very endowed and wants a come back.Hell know,u cant turn a whore into a housewife……..
    Shirls: Very young with a banging body. Very interesting company and real to the she is more like wat ur looking for,never a dull moment.

  28. I need to come up with new and interesting stories regularly so people will notice me & not forget about my blog. Though most of the stories are made up & pure fiction, there are people who totally believe them which is the important thing cos the aim of this blog is popularity and money….lol.

    I never learnt to respect women so I dont want anyone telling me to respect them cos they are all the same & I can sleep with any one of them; slim, shirls, ada, biola, ivory….anyone i want, anytime……girls, always willing……

    more free women…..more…..more (pls the younger the better, no old keles abeg….16yrs-25yrs only….sweet…)
    you can call me pervert, anything you want….I dont care….

  29. Oh well, do i sense a stereotype here with mainland girls and island girls? Now there are two classes of island girls tho. Those who are posh, and those who are not. However, the mainland is not for basically the stereotype u r painting. depends on the kinda pple that hang out wherever.

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