Another week, another Memoirs of the SLU…shhKid. Welcome as always. Thank you for stopping by to read the Memoirs this week, here are the rules for those of you who are new to this side of 360life https://www.360nobs.com/2010/05/memoirs-of-a-slu%E2%80%A6shhkid-the-rules-to-read-by/ and to the regulars, YOU are always appreciated. Read on!!!
Friday, 2nd July 2010
It’s yet another Friday and like we say in ABE “Tonight, we soar!”
Last night taught me a lesson in appreciation and will forever change my perception about certain things. I got stuck in traffic with a friend and after we finished talking about everything, she decided to open up to me to tell me certain things about her that I should know. She didn’t try to code or make it sound “chassis”, she said it in plain clear English “Nobs, I’m epileptic”. That single sentence changed the way I feel about her and all the things I thought I knew about her. All I could think of at that moment was a hug. I hugged her and I held on tight. I didn’t want to let go of her. I instantly wished I could change her situation and stop whatever pain she goes through. She told me her attacks come almost every month and in some cases she only wakes up to see herself surrounded by total strangers. I don’t get it? Why is life unfair to certain people? Why is it something she cannot outgrow or something? She has lived with this pain for more than 20 years now and no matter how much you think you know about what she’s going through, her alone can truly describe the pain. I’ve been to different comedy shows where the comedians told certain jokes about Epilepsy that I thought was funny and just like most people I laughed out loud-that will never happen again.
If you are reading this and you know what she can do to make her live through this with less pain, please let me know……just anything, drugs, food, group, doctor or research. (Slushhmemoirs@360nobs.com)
I got a simple BBM from Shirls “I miss you”
Hmmmm, did I ever introduce you lot to Shirls? I guess i haven’t. Now let me inform you of how Shirls crept into my SLU…shh life.
(Meeting Shirls) I was walking into E Centre, Yaba when I saw her. She walked towards me with a huge smile on her face and when she got closer…
Shirls: My name is Shirls
Nobs: My name is….(she cuts in)
Shirls: I know who you are, Noble Igwe (with a big whitening Closeup toothpaste ad smile).
Nobs: Oh okay
Shirls: You look different up close
Nobs: Really. So where are you off to?
Nobs: Oh seen
Shirls: Yeah…Do you come here often?
Nobs: Yeah, Koko Lounge
Shirls: Oh I see.
Nobs: Erm, okay. Do you want to go up with me?
Shirls: Nah, I’ve got to go but we can see some other time.
Nobs: Here my is number and bbpin
Shirls: Oh great.
Two days later we hooked up for a drink at Bungalows with Red V and Henny. So when I got her BBM, I instantly invited her for the football viewing at Tymeout Lounge, Ikeja.
Shirls got to my office and we left for match viewing in Ikeja. We chilled a lil bit in the lounge after the match. Without sounding “somehow”, did you know that the way babes dress to go clubbing on the mainland is totally different from what is obtainable on the island? On the Island, we see butt crack but on the mainland you’ll see hairs plus the butt crack. Secondly, babes dress to club like they are visiting a neighborhood shop on the mainland – Lycra gown, Atmosphere slippers completed with one “if-you-like-Gucci, you’ll-like-our-GuGci” handbag.
We got back to the Island and ended up at De Marque but when Shirls started grinding on me the only thing I could think about was home. I was still trying to convince her to go home with me when Biola (from wk 4) walked up to me.
Biola: Hey stranger
Nobs: Hey Bee. Na wah oo. You just fashied me like that?
Biola: Really? I read your Memoirs and I saw what you wrote about me.
Nobs: Erm I hope you are not mad (I excused myself from Shirls and walked downstairs with Biola)
Biola: So the poor girl upstairs is making the diary on Monday? I hope you told her.
Nobs: I did (my nose grew a lil longer).
Biola: Okay. I really don’t mind what you wrote but you should have kept in touch. Not even a ping.
Nobs: I’m so sorry
Biola: You know that saying about paying an Ashewo?
Nobs: No (My nose grew a lil more longer)
Biola: Ok, I’ll tell you. The only reason person dey pay Ashewo be say someday e go hungry you again. Don’t put yourself in such a position, Nobs.
Nobs: I’m sorry. You are looking hawt (I pinched her ass a lil)
Biola: I know and just so you know, the Vodka is making me horny but then someone has got company.
Nobs: The Company is just for one night. Saturday night is free. Can the Vodka keep you w*t for two nights?
Biola: First time was very easy for you, this time you have to work for it.
Nobs: I put my hand under her short gown and inserted a finger
Biola: Noooobbs, I don’t care who she is b -but if you get me there, we are so leaving this place together without your Shawls.
Nobs: Her name is Shirls and we can play as a group.
Biola: Nobs, I’m a jealous lover, I don’t share d*cks and I’m a legendary co*k blocker. I can’t. Call me Saturday night. (She inserted a finger inside her and put it in my mouth). Taste what you are going to miss tonight.
Nobs: Let’s go to my car…
Biola: You’re keeping another lady waiting.
Biola swayed walked away leaving me standing on my three legs. I went back to Shirls, apologized for leaving her alone and asked that we call it a night. Immediately we got into my room, I went straight to my stereo and selected my favourite track of the moment Pope’s “Baale, Baale” and while the Pope was blessing me with words like “Wan ri opa ase, wan mere” (translation- they’ll see the staff and run), I held Shirls back from running.
Download Pope’s Baale Baale here.
Baale Baale (4.1 MiB, 3,969 hits)
Saturday, 3rd July 2010
Woke up in the morning and Shirls was not by my side. I went to the living room and she was not there. I went to the balcony and my car was missing and then it dawned on me. She’s gone with my car. How do I start? I only met her at the E centre and the only things I know about her are, erm……phone number and pin. I tried her number but it kept saying, “can’t be reached”. The sweatbeads are coming up already, stomach just about to start its churning process….
I went to my sister’s room and sat on her bed…..
Nobs: Babes, I’m finished
Cha: What’s the problem?
Nobs: I think Shirls ran away with my car. Should I call the police?
Cha: Mba, she went to Shoprite to get breakfast for you guys
Nobs: O, SHE TOLD YOU?
Nobs: Let me go and wait for her. I pray she comes back. (I tried her number again and it went through). Heeeeyyyy…
Shirls: You’re awake? I didn’t want to wake you up. I had to go get breakfast. I’m on your street already.
Nobs: Oh, I’m coming to the balcony then.
Seeing her come out of the car, I tweeted “maybe I should get a love child, no?”
I went to meet up with Slim and her sisters together we all went to Dolphin for a shop-warming gig. I’ve missed Slim, but maybe I should let her know that I really like her but I think I like our friendship the way it is and I fear anything more may damage what we’ve got.
I hooked up with the UnRuLiEs at the Ice Cream factory. It was a fun few hrs spent like old times and we missed Bubu.
Got home and Shirls was on the bed…almost naked. I made her “completely naked”. 😉
Sunday, 4th July 2010
Turning point (Yes, people, T-U-R-N-I-N-G point) – Disclaimer: Still unaware of what is happening to the left side of my brain.
Ok, so I woke up this morning and I got thinking maybe it’s about time I changed.
Now here is what I have on my platter …..who should i CHOOSE?
Slim: Young, successful and very posh. We’ve been “just friends” for sometime now but I’ve been thinking maybe I should take it to the new level.
Ada: Young, naive, a virgin but still a student. Mum’s connection & favourite
Biola: Not so young. A one night stand that made me feel very endowed and wants a come back.
Shirls: Very young with a banging body. Very interesting company and real to the bones.
Dear friends, please help me decide whom I should get serious with amongst the four very capable ladies or should i just continue my search for my very own SLU…shhGirl?