And a wonderful welcome to you, you and you. Have you been to this page before? If Yes, you have been granted freedom to continue reading and if NO….STOP right there and read the RULES!!!!!!! Then come back and read….hehehehehe.
Wednesday, 21st July 2010
I really have to make this entry because of how I feel.
So, I was going through a folder on my MacBook Pro named “D&TD” which stands for “Done & To Do” when I stumbled onto a saved BBM message from Salt.
“Nobs, short skirt no underwear. Hurry up or I’ll invite a security guard”
Now “D&TD” contains important pictures, emails, poems, birthdays, BBMs and every other information relating to the chics I’ve done (dated, shagged or otherwise) and the ones that I intend to do (date, shag or otherwise). “D&TD” is the only folder that has moved from one laptop to another over the years and maybe someday it will end up in a library in Anambra state as part of my legacy.
About Salt, I met salt at one of the SLU…shhes at SWE and we hit it up straight away. She works on the Island but resides in Ikeja while I work on the mainland but stay on the Island so City Mall was our central place to see every evening after work. It was very simple for us, we sit in either her car or mine parked at the space behind City Mall and she will smoke with the windows up and the air conditioner on. We would wait until it gets a bit darker outside and then I’ll pull down my trouser to my knees while she will just raise her skirt. It was a daily weekday affair for 6 weeks and it ended the day she decided to go “more serious” with her boyfriend of that time.
Salt is history but her legacy lives. I saw the message and immediately twitted “I feel like Car Sex”. I wasn’t expecting anyone to reply but I got 3 DMs and 1 BBM. I decided to get in touch with the person that sent “Nobs, Let’s agree 1 tin. We F**k & no phone calls after. DM metin point”. I “DMed” her my number. We spoke and agreed to meet at City Mall.
8.12pm –City Mall
Salt 2: I am here
Nobs: Come through to the back. Black Honda Civic
Salt 2: Ok.
She knocked on the window and I opened…
Salt 2: You look finer in person
Nobs: It’s car light.
Salt: Is this a set up?
Nobs: babes, I’m too old for all that sh*t. Are you scared?
Salt 2: Not really but with your memoirs I won’t be surprised if you have a video camera.
Nobs: I’ll put this in my diary but not your real name.
Salt 2: Fair enough
Nobs: Have you done this before?
Salt 2: No, does that disqualify me?
Nobs: Come here and stop talking (Pulls her close and started kissing her hard.)
We kissed so hard and within minutes I had the twins in my mouth. Jeans went down and skirt went up.
I got home and wanted to ask her if she was home but couldn’t find her on contacts. She got what she wanted and deleted me afterwards.
Friday, 23rd July 2010
You know that today’s party is an appraisal issue. Please let’s make it happen.
My office dinner/party holds today at Marquee so I had to come through to make sure everything was in order. Called Shirls to come through to keep me company. Shirls arrived looking so hawt in her skinny jeans and tee.
Dinner was fab with special appearances by Waje, Yemi Sax, Lami and Pope. These people came through for me. If you come across them anywhere, please give them a hug for me.
After dinner, we all moved upstairs and after a while the bosses left.
Sexy lawyer came through with her cousins and cream friend all looking fly. We had all sorts on the table and within minutes it was okay for anybody to tap anybody’s ass(no same sex touching, who born the maga?). My friends came through with 1 Kele and 6 other people that could be referred to as ‘females”. I like the mainland chics but some of them no try abeg. If you are out clubbing and you want to figure out “The mainland chic”. Look around from anybody dressed like they just came straight from a traditional wedding reception.
We rolled out ABE style and our supply came in a tray erm ok ice buckets.
While the DJ was rolling out all sorts of songs, one of the “females” was dancing makossa to every bit. I was trying to ignore her until Usher’s “OMG” came on and she killed usher with her steps. Imagine someone dancing “Makossa” to “OMG”. At some point I thought I was high and her outfit was looking a bit funny. When she came, she was wearing a short white gown, after few glasses of “this” and “that”, a black/tight short emerged from the inside. Please judge her outfit and say nothing about her stomach.
At some point, sexy lawyer informed that she would want to give me a lap dance. I wanted to say no but I thought it would have been rude to turn down such an offer (nose growing longer). Okay I lieeeeeed. I never considered turning it down for one bit and if she had changed her mind I would have offered her money. I quickly ran over to the DJ and requested for Usher’s “OMG”.
She whispered in my ears that she wasn’t wearing any bra and wouldn’t be so mad if my hands find their way up there. I sat down, closed my eyes and within minutes I felt her behind on my lap. Her borry went “up and down” with the song and I didn’t know when my hands went up to her chest. We danced the entire track with me sitting.
Our friend (Diana from Abuja) joined and together we all left Marquee for Auto Lounge. I love Auto Lounge. Auto lounge is the only club that it is okay to have a potbelly and not be bothered and this has nothing to do with your sex. Play Chukky’s “Suck belle make shirt fine” does not apply to Auto Lounge.
We ordered for a bottle of Moet Rose, chilled for about 25 minutes and left for Rehab.
Moving from Auto Lounge to Rehab is like going from “Full Gospel business men followership” to “Milo Last Kid Standing TV show”.
Have you noticed the number of under aged girls that stand around the poolside with no drink and a look of “If you buy me Chapman, you can have it”?
Left Rehab and drove home straight alone thanking God that I did not run into Biola.
By the way Momsie was awake when I got back and she welcomed me with the following;
Mum: You left for work at 7am Friday and you are just coming home at 4.30am Saturday?
Nobs: Erm, I was working na
Mum: You are not going out until 3pm today.
Nobs: Nsogbu adiro, ma!
Mum: Be careful with Lagos girls ooo
Nobs: I’m lost. From sleep to Lagos girls?
Mum: Good night, abi Morning.
Nobs: Good Night, Ma
Mum: Em by the way, I saw different tooth brushes in your wardrobe.
Nobs: Can we talk about them tomorrow?
I know exactly what she’s talking about – Blue is for Shirls, Yellow for Biola, Purple for Ada and green for Lawunmi (ex Kele). I no na…abeg free me jor!!!
Saturday, 24th July 2010
I woke hungry and so I had Eba and Oha soup for brunch.
I was getting ready to go cut my hair when Momsie walked into my room.
Nobs: Good Afternoon,Ma
Mum: Are you going out?
Nobs: Yes but I’m not leaving the estate.
Mum: I remembered we have an unfinished discussion.
Nobs: Thought we finished everything last night?
Nobs: About the toothbrushes ?
Nobs: Erm, I used them for a presentation at work.
Mum: Oh, then throw them away. Ebe ahu odi, adiro nma.
Nobs: I’ll do that after the project.
Mum: Ok. Kedu ebe isi n’ina aga?
Nobs: Saloon and maybe see a movie.
Mum: Okay. Bata kwa Osiso.
Nobs: Ok ma.
Done with haircut and some home shopping. Called Shirls to come through to the Palms for a movie.
Shirls: What’s up?
Nobs: Good good.
Shirls: Where are you, baby?
Nobs: Palms, you?
Nobs: Let’s do a movie
Shirls: Which one?
Nobs: Knight and Day
Shirls: Yay! Should pack my overnight bag?
Nobs: Erm she’s still around
Shirls: Oh, no wahala
Nobs: Babes, are you mad at me?
Shirls: Nope just that we need an “us” moment.
Nobs: We’ll get a bit in the cinema
Shirls: What should I wear?
Nobs: Flare skirt and a shawl to cover my hands.
Shirls: Why do u need to cover your hands?
Nobs: Cos you wouldn’t want everybody to know what I’ll be doing to you.
Shirls: Nah Nobs, we can’t go half way na?
Nobs: Sha come jor
Shirls: See you in a bit, baby.
Nobs: Don’t keep it , sorry me standing
Shirls: You need Jisos!!!!
Shirls came with no shawls but I was happy to spend some non-sexual hours with her.
Got home, watched a bit of Big Brother and called sick Slim. She sounded so ill and I so wanted to be there for her. She was there for me during my ill health and I miss her.
“Get well soon Slim.”
Sunday 25th July 2010
Momsie left today and I never knew I was going to miss her this much.
She made sure my sister made food to last us a month and she left the money I gave her under my pillow. My mum thinks I’ll never be richer than her and she’s always willing to give.
Got a call from Shirls that she wasn’t feeling so well, so I asked her to come over. I made (got my sister to make)breakfast for Shirls and afterwards gave her a warm bath.
Shirls slept off and I left her note saying “Baby,I’m off to Ibadan but I’ve asked Obinna to take home whenever you are ready to go. Rest well, watch Big Brother and get well soon”.
The gospel according to Pastor D’banj. Says “Some of them are local, some are flown in” referring to Kokolets. You need to have kokolets (keles)everywhere and if need be, fly some in once in a while. Got into Ibadan and like I do in every city, I went through my contacts and typed “Ibadan” and the following came up;
“Bisi Ibadan”, Morenike Ibadan,”LT Ibadan”, “Ayo Ibadan”, “Dayo Ibadan” and I dialled “Morenike Ibadan”
Morenike: Hey Nobs
Nobs: Hey sweets
Morenike: Hmmm is it Christmas
Nobs: No, why?
Morenike: You called me
Nobs: I thought of you and decided to say hi
Morenike: Awww, that’s so sweet of you.
Nobs: I’ve been meaning to come see you for sometime now.
Morenike: Come na
Nobs: Ib is long jor
Morenike: Just come na
Nobs: What do I get?
Morenike: Anything you want, just ask!
Nobs: I am in ****** hotel, Check me in Hotel Room 130
Morenike: Yay! Are you for real?
Nobs: No Jokes. When are you coming?
Morenike: I’ll get home and pack some things. When are you leaving?
Morenike: Sleep now cos when I come, you won’t get any.
Nobs: Amu siri’m ike (I was born strong)*wink*
Morenike: what’s that?
Nobs: See ya in a bit
Morenike: Ok hun.
Morenike came through.While she was watching big brother, I wrote this ,turned off my phone camera flash and took this picture of her.
I sent this off to whom it may concern and switched off my phone.