MEMOIRS OF A SLU…shhKID: WK10

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Hi there, so its another Memoir Monday. Are you a regular? Go forth to the line beginning Monday and have a blessed time.  Are you new to this? Then you’ll need to stop here for the memoir rules for your reading warning pleasure.

Monday, 12th July 2010

Dear Diary,

10.00am
I thank God for a better health, wonderful friends and for the gift of girls who find it a bit difficult to say no to sex. I couldn’t go to work because of some banging headache and a little fever.  Mum would be in town later today to take proper care of me.

3.00pm
Wow. I’m in sooooooo much trouble and my phone won’t stop ringing. Hmmmmm……… maybe I didn’t think through my last post or maybe I never expected her to take any offence. So Biola found out that I lied to her the last time she was at mine but I only did that to avoid an ugly scene, ok maybe not ugly but sha a scene.  I’ve gotten nothing less than 27 text messages from her, 6 different phone calls from her friends and a call from someone who claimed to be her brother.

Special Message: Dear Biola’s family and friends, just in case you get to read my diary, please Forgive and Forget.

7.00pm
Mum is in town. As usual, she’s full of gist and of course the never-ending topic of  “The Absent of good marriageable girls in Lagos according to Mama Chibuzor”. The drive from mainland to Island had “Ada” in every sentence and no it did not stop there. We stopped over at Shoprite for Ice Cream and then she went…

Mum: Why are these girls buying meat here?
Nobs: Erm cuz it’s convenient and things
Mum: So, fa amaro ebe afia di?
Nobs: It’s sha same meat. Shoprite ooo, Oshodi market ooo.
Mum: I trust my Ada she won’t use freezer meat to cook for her husband.
Nobs: Ahn Ahn, she got married and didn’t invite me? (Straight face)
Mum: Biko, putara n’uzo. Ndi nwere imi, amaro ka esi akpo anwuru.

We got home and she unpacked and that was when the real drama started.

Mum: Erm, Ada sent this letter and these foodstuffs.
Nobs: Did I tell her that I am starving, biko?
Mum: Sometimes, I wonder if I’m really your mother.
Nobs: Choi. She has not even come in and we are already fighting
Mum: Just choose a date. That’s all.
Nobs: Erm, at this rate you guys might as well choose the date and I’ll attend as the groom.

I took the note to my room and I must admit, the perfume wasn’t bad at all and it brought back good memories.

Content of the note
“ Dear Buzor,
How are you? I hope you are doing very well.

I’ve missed you and when I heard you were not feeling well. I was sad but more sad that I can’t come to Lagos at this point because of school assignments.

I wish I was there to take care of you but I trust Mama to take care of you. I sent you Garri, Yam, Plantain and Uziza leaf. Eat well and grow big for me.

Also, I want us to travel abroad after my exams. Mama said she would give me money to go abroad with you.
I want us to go to Ghana and I promise you the whole of me. You won’t regret it.

Please try and call me later.

I sprayed my perfume on this letter for you.

Oremi,
Ada”

Ada is so sweet. The foodstuff and now she wants to go “abroad” with me. The note got me thinking about loads of things and comparing her to Lagos girls. Most city babes are tired of Ghana.  Most of them are now having their Hen night in Vegas. Ada may not be all that now but I believe I can brush her up na. If Mercy Johnson can look this manageable now, then I can turn Ada into a beauty queen. Maybe not with Mercy’s kinda of boobs but with boobs that can stay in clothes.

11.32pm
I was about to go to bed when the sms came from Biola.
“Noble Igwe, I’ll hunt you down and you will surely pay the price for all these.  Just the way you like rolling my ileke idi, ma fun apo epon e”
and I replied “Bee, I deserve it and I’m willing to pay the price. I only realised how stupid my act was today. Make out time for us, please”.

Tuesday, 13th July 2010

Dear diary,

6.15am
I won’t be going to work with my car today because of two reasons;
1. My mum is in town and may need to visit her friends
2. I don’t feel like driving sha

Scratch that.

I’m not going to work today just in case Biola decides to get funny and show up at work. I don’t need her going Chris brown on my windshield.

12.00noon
I just came out of a meeting when my phone rang and I picked…

Nobs: Nobs here…
Caller: It’s Biola!
Nobs: Hey, erm did you get my text message?
Biola: I did. What’s up with you this evening?
Nobs: Nothing, why?
Biola: I want to see you but not in your house.
Nobs: That’s fine
Biola: You remembered where we first met?
Nobs: Ahem, Mmmarquee
Biola: 6.30pm?
Nobs: I’ll be there
!!!

I waited and waited for 6.30pm to come, at 5.30pm got a colleague to drop me off at Marquee for the Biola appointed time of 6.30pm.

6.30pm
On getting to the venue of the meeting. I thought about several things;

What if Biola is planning to beat me up with her friends in the presence of a photographer from City people?

What will the headline read?
“Noble Igwe’s fuck ups treated by angry side chic” or “Angry girlfriend traced lover to hangout spot” or “6 Women beats a helpless lover to death”. GOD FORBID!!! Chei!! Tufiakwa!!! (in my thickest igbo accent).
I called my friend Olams to come through to Marquee just in case. I wasn’t scared or anything but I wanted someone who could stop me from beating a woman (Biola, I’m only JOKING here ooooo). I no even fit raise my hand.
I didn’t have to search for her. The venue was a bit empty and spotting her was no boobigge.

Biola: Hey, Noble!
Nobs: Guess you don’t call me Nobs any more
Biola: Whatever. My question is simple, Noble, why?
Nobs: Biola, I’m really sorry and I would do anything to make us work.
Biola: Us? pause Us? was there any “Us” before now?
Nobs: Yes and you know it
Biola: So is this meeting going up in your stupid diary?
Nobs: Not because I want to but because people would like to know.
Biola: Maybe I should pour this cocktail on you so that you can tell them I did that.
Nobs: I can take anything from you.
Biola: I’ll keep it simple and short.
Nobs: Shoot
Biola: I’m sorry I didn’t inform you before I commented on your post. I told my colleague about your dairy last week only to be informed by her yesterday that you played me over the weekend. I did all those out of anger.
Nobs: I should be saying that I’m sorry not the other way round.
Biola: I saw the comments and what people said cos of my comment.
Nobs: It’s fine and I really don’t care
Biola: Oh okay ooooo. I hope you don’t have your Slim or Shirls in the car and I’ll only get to find out on Monday.
Nobs: Nah.  And going forward, I should okay any post about you first, deal?
Biola: Okay ooo. I’m even scared of you now. I hope you are not even taping this one.
Nobs: No nah. I don’t rugged conversations.
Biola: You are a big fool.
Nobs: But you love the fool.
Biola: This is not love. I know what I like jo
Nobs: I’m really sorry, love. Please hug me
Biola: This hug you’ll work for
Nobs: Make it all “kind”
Biola: Olodo
.

We chilled a bit. I went home a happy and changed man.

Friday, 16th July 2010

Dear Diary,

6.30pm
Work was fabulous. I got to the Island and went to the cinema to see a movie, ALONE and no that’s not the name of the movie.

9.30pm
Hooked up with Slim, Dupe and Forlah at Bambuddah to chill a bit. Then the train moved to Marquee.

2.00am
Dropped Slim at her friend’s and on my way home I got a text message from Shirls
“I just pierced my tongue and I think you’ll like the feel. Are you out tonight?”
I thought about replying her and the “feel” but passed because I’ve already planned to meet Slim at Ice cream factory.

Saturday, 17th July 2010

Dear Diary,

11.00am
Met up with Slim at Ice cream factory. Stopped over to see Oyinbo and then headed to the Galleria for 360nobs meeting.

12noon
Meeting was loooonnnng 12noon-6pm, Chai!!!!

10.30pm
Went for SWE/2face event. SWE @ 4 as well as celebrating 2face for closing SA2010 (First Fifa World Cup on African Soil).

12.30am
Paid a visit to Marquee to see Slim and her girls (friend of hers getting married and she was one of CHICKS for the Hen Night).

Sunday, 18th July 2010

Dear Diary,

9.00am (MI’s Sunday)
I went to MI’s crib for a long over due meeting on MI2. We played and discussed the plan for the entire album and launch.  I’M EXCITED already (did i shout out too loud :)). I must add here that you would be impressed by the quality of work on this album. I’ll be sharing some of the songs with some of you in MY CAR.

Got home and met my sister in front of the TV because of some virus called Big Brother.

8.30pm
I went to my room slept off and woke up later to write my memoirs.

Special Shoutout to all the present and future readers of the memoirs. Week 10 and still going strong…..thank you all very much for the continous reading and visits to 360nobs.com to read this and all the other daily, weekly, monthly posts of our contributing writers. Much Appreciated!!!

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

57 comments

  1. LOL @ ruggeding the conversation :).
    Nice ones. I got first dibs on making this ish into a movie o… U know.. Noble is my dude!!! Jorr oo.

  2. U kept it simple this wk! Well nice read too.

    @DaDON – u beat me to that rugged conversation comment. I liked the pun from Nobs.

    Have a nice wk.

  3. I got dis link 4rm a frnd n I must say, it was pretty interesting 4 a monday mornin. U gat plenty drama in life n dis blog is just d ryt place 2 share.

  4. Lmaooo! Nobs dis ur village chic is hilarious.
    I didn’t knw dey still sent people letters in 2010.
    I guess dats one of the things dat makes her unique.
    When she asked you to go abroad, I thot she was gonna mention some exotic destination.
    I was laughing so hard wen I saw Ghana
    But u knw if u marry dis babe and bring her to d city, she will start embracing our “island lifestyle”
    She might even end up going over board! Bcareful

  5. Lol..thank God ders no drama,u beta marry ada oh cos hmmmmn she wil jst curse u
    Biola…I thnk u dnt hear word…his suckin u bak into it. anyhoo ur a big grl u cn handle urslf…
    Nice piece..pls more drama sha

  6. “I just pierced my tongue and I think you’ll like the feel. Are you out tonight?” hmm i think u made that part up noble..
    even tho i’ve had my tongue ring for almost 5yrs now but i still remmeber u cant exactly eat right with it for at least 10days,not to talk of using it for ”wwhatever it is she was suggesting”immediately….JUST SAYING!

  7. Nwannem nwoke u were Celibate dis Weekend…guess its cos mumsie dey.
    Kai I so Love Ada

    And all d pun intended in dis post cracked mi up

  8. so creative, u ve alot going on in ur lil mind. ur choice of words… good. the mercy johnson thingy n rugged got me

  9. Another witty piece, as usual 😀 but errrmmmm…..no kpoxing dis weekend? *surprised look* rain go fall o!

    And b4 I forget, abeg help me find one fresh bobo that’ll be sending me plantain & garri from ur village na….lol

  10. Noble toh behd! Me thinks the wine is getting better with age. Kindly see to it that Ada goes abroad with or without a passport.

  11. dude..u just had to take a picture of d yam n stuff..but why only four pieces of plantain?..i never miss any episode..watchu say u hook a brother up wt bee? i could get her off ur shoulder..hola!

  12. hey im a new visitor on here read the first nine episodes in one night…. my flatmate was wondering why i laughed all thru the night…

    dude biola is all urs now she has accepted her position and is back only for the sugar cane… now ur been played by her cos she will be looking for real love on the side whilst using u…. and one crucial day she go deny u visa lol……(biola sounds like every other gal on the side… nice cool but not just the one u want to marry…sad…but sex super)

    ive always thot my life was full of drama as well but dude ur one notch above abeg…..

    nice one jare …. im a hopeless gossip freak so this is truly entertaining… big ups…………

  13. Hey nobs, when are you going to tell the poor girl that ‘oremi’ means ‘friend’ in yoruba na…lol

  14. Hmm stop toying with Ada’s heart. Biko good girls are hard to find. She seems like she would be totally out of her elements hanging with you and your crew. You don’t strike me as the kind of guy who would want a wallflower on your arm while out with your friends (Then again i don’t know you and never would have thought you would carry Jerrycan on your head complete with the support wrapper!)

    LOL.

  15. Ha Noble o di kwa na nma? No nyash this week/weekend? I swear you are a nut job! Lol @ the picture of the “message” Ada sent you. Mba nu! The plantain is not enough but hapu kwa dat tin Ada knows what she’s doing. That village girl will shine her eyes well well if & when u marry am come carry am come Lagos. She will show u pepper. I couldn’t stop laughing @ abroad= Ghana!!! Nna she no even call South Africa or even Egypt na Ghana???
    Who is Mercy Johnson?
    PS: I’ve invited everyone in Houston to follow this blog. 2 interesting

  16. @Moet rose… Some people can eat on d first day of d piercing while some can’t… Just for the tongue to adapt to its latest addition… #justsaying

  17. Nobs, this Ada, is she for real? Talk about a throwback! Biko does she have one of those pictures standing beside a flower shrub, daintily holding a hibiscus flower while she stares away from the camera?

    Ok so its cute that she called Ghana “abroad”, but its been barely two months and madam wants to go abroad already? Whether she thinks abroad is Ghana or Cotonou, bottom-line is, the babe makwa ihe o na-eme. Marry her but keep her in a flat in Independence Lay-out.

  18. U knw wat, d person dat took wande’s pic chose d wrng person, Noble u deserve to wande coaled so we can see wat all dis noise is abt nd I hope someone does it soon too…like ur cockiness

  19. lol at ksmith………..
    kai, i dont even wish for my enemy to be wande coaled o. i even heard wande coal is been used in many ways now o…even my aunty was changing her sons nappy today and we were looking and she said pls stop looking at my sons wande coal!
    anyway sha. once don bab J gives him a serious beat, and he sinds ….a hit it will be over and forgotten….I THINK!

  20. Damn…I am kinda upset that there was no drama this week…no panashukwuing and no partying like a rock star!
    I hope this has nothing to do with last week o?

    I saved this for desert after a hard work day and Im pissed off!! Bang sombody already! Damn!!!

    Ok…I know that heifer did not send 4 pieces of plantain?!

    And she sprayed her lofinda on the damn letter?! I dont know about this babe o!!

    Biola is a retard…I wont be surprised if she jazzes you! Sounds like some late 30s cargo with an expiration date…I beg leave that tin.

    Good job playa…bring the drama next week I beggi!

  21. “YAWN” is has to be d worst post so far…where dd all d drama go..d only ting good about dis post is d new about MI2 was beginning to tink dat album was never coming out

  22. Naija peeps and their undercover freakiness. See everyone clamoring for sex like there’s no tomorrow. Are y’all living vicariously through Noble.

  23. Mr Nobs,
    Your write ups are veryyyyyyyyy erotic OMG!
    Since you are in a dilemma
    These are my two cents
    I think you should imagine life with each woman and decide which you like. Who you rather have a ‘village’ girl – whose village quirk will get old and irritating quickly; the friend that is posh or the freak or better still the Biola.
    At some point you need to decide when to slow down…
    At the end of the day, you alone will live with who ever you choose not your mum or your friend but you. Be wise

  24. “If nobody talk about you/then you are nobody/whether na true dem talk or na lie/my guy walahi…”‘-tuface idibia.To all the haters from last wk.U bring it on every wk.Good job

  25. as entertaining as usual. i go to all dis places u mention and wonder why i ve not bumped into u…….. guess i wouldnt even recongnise u if i pass by u. niways till next week chia

  26. This is the dairy of a messed up little boy with a very low self esteem…lol. Because he’s ashamed of himself, he disses other people to make himself happy…pity. I’m sure cos of his Massive head (Ugly looks) he was picked on terribly while he grew up….lol (u need to visit a shrink!!).
    ………………………………………………….

    Well, dis is the only platform through which he can express himself ….NOBODY ever pays serious attention to people of his kind (or on his low level)…LMAO!!! (any idiot can have a blog these days..lol) Girls who have some dignity & self respect (class too) will never mix with him or have anytin serious to do with him (marry him-Never!!!…lol), they’re not on his level….it’s loose girls & rif rafs that he’s got access to (or else he’ll have nothing to right in this lame dairy)…his mum knows this, that’s why she had no choice but to find him a village girl with no exposure…..LMAO..LMAO!!!
    ………………………………………………….

    Noble Igwe get a freakin life!!! I wonder if you’ll have the moral right to discipline your children (may you have lots of daughters)or they’ll continue in their fathers filthy footsteps!!!
    ………………………………………………….

    I know some idiots who visit this blog will convince their empty brains that they’re trying to defend ‘Noble the unhappy’ by throwing insults at themselves (definitly not me….lol) but that’s fine by me (birds of the same feather flock together & defend each other too..lol) ciao

    P.S: Get a life & find a shrink…lol.

  27. @ HARD WORKING guy…… ur name suggests that u suppose get work na, pls what are you doing here leaving comprehension for us??? abeg abeg abeg clear road!…. i’m sure ur the one biola left for Noble so its quite painful…NDO guy, take heart.

    but erm…. Biola dear, y vex now? You sef what did u expect… its ‘parrof’ life…and I’m sure u sef ur not ready to start showing wifey material because somebody looking for husband go tey small before hopping in their bed darling…

    Anyway….Noble no dey pay me for contribution (but I love him anyway) back to work now….. but If i see this jobless (Hardworking guy) making noise here again…. omo………..

  28. @LOLLEYPOP:

    I’m so sure like hardworking guy said, people like you who support this trash that noble writes are whores!!!

    conclusion: LOLLEYPOP you’re a whore!!!!

  29. I need to come up with new and interesting stories regularly so people will notice me & not forget about my blog. Though most of the stories are made up & pure fiction, there are people who totally believe them which is the important thing cos the aim of this blog is popularity and money….lol.

    I never learnt to respect women so I dont want anyone telling me to respect them cos they are all the same & I can sleep with any one of them; slim, shirls, ada, biola, ivory….anyone i want, anytime……girls, always willing……

    more free women…..more…..more (pls the younger the better, no old keles abeg….16yrs-25yrs only….sweet…)
    you can call me pervert, anything you want….I dont care….

  30. Nobs is not confused at all.he knows what he is on about trust me.in his line of business all u get is p***y.this is lagos,every little gurl wants to be with someone their little minds consider interesting.Its hard to say if one finds himself in nobs’ ‘state’ he won’t do the same,I prolly do worse,I worked in calabar for 11months and my company put me in axari hotel,you can imagine…how quickly I turned into a whore …I had over 20 gurls by the time I left (one I can remember)..so nobs enjoy ur bachelorhood while it last but find urself one ada though..its the best thing to do.

  31. @H2N u damn funny ..
    pls send me ur email addy or follow me on twitter @Jane_Humphrey. bigups 2 u Nobs u friggn killn me here wiv lafs. dis shit is dope.

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