FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THE SHEETS

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Invariably referred to as ‘Friends with Benefits’, the ‘Fuck Buddy’ is the most platonic form of sexual relationship there is.

It involves two friends or acquaintances coming together and having a clear understanding that all they both want from each other is Sex and nothing more. Both parties may or may not be in other relationships.

One party might be in a relationship while the other is not. Regardless of what the situation is, they both know what the score is and ideally, should not have expectations of the relationship beyond that.

For many different reasons, the ‘Fuck Buddy’ syndrome has gained a lot more popularity in recent times, mostly due to the scarcity of Relationship prospects in the cut-throat world of Dating. Another reason is that a lot of people have had bad experiences in conventional relationships, and so have embraced this more self-fulfilling form as a way of taking ownership of their sexual experience.

This syndrome has its Pros and Cons, just like with every single endeavor in life; I’ll run you through some of these now:

Pro #1: Freedom from Commitment is possibly the greatest Pro of all when it comes to being ‘Fuck Buddies’ with someone. No-one feels used, because no initial promises were made. Let’s face it, EVERYONE likes to have their cake and eat it. Offering a guy MAD sex from a HOT chick, without any form of commitment, is like telling a little child that Santa is not only real, but is moving into his bedroom with him. Like seriously, if I was a guy, and didn’t suffer from the gross inconvenience of a conscience, I would have me a whole harem of ‘Friends with Benefits’. As in really, why not?! I make no promises, have no expectations of the other person and she’s dishing it out to me when, where, and however I want it?! Sheeeettttt…I’d be the friendliest guy EVER!!

Pro #2: The fact that a person agreed at all to being ‘Fuck Buddies’ automatically clears out the liberty to have any unrealistic expectations of the other person. It will be a total breach of contract for a ‘Fuck Buddy’ to angrily scream at the other person, “Why have you not been picking up my calls?” or “Why were you flirting with that other person in front of me?” ‘Fuck Buddies’ and ‘Demands’ are two concepts that operate on very opposing poles of the Relationship World Order. Oh the bliss of a Demand-free life…

Pro #3: Life can get a little Lonely sometimes. I can relate with that right now, as I’ve been out of a relationship for a while and sometimes, I just want the comfort of good intimate company. Being ‘Friends with Benefits’ allows the killing of two Guinea fowls with one Rocket Launcher. Sex and the need for Companionship met at one go!!

Pro #4: The process of Dating can be a looonnggg thing!! ‘Fuck Buddies’ spare each other the long drawn- out process of candle-lit dinners, running along the Beach-front Nollywood style, feeding each other in a fast-food restaurant, wondering if ‘He/She is that into you’ or not, and every other Dating Palaver there is. It’s simply “Wham…do you wanna FUCK Ma’am?!”

Pro #5: Guys and Girls alike, suffer from what is known as performance Anxiety. “Would she laugh when she discovers I’m a 30-second man?” “How would he react when he sees that the Savannah Rain Forest has nothing on me down there?” the desire to make a good impression can often take away the pleasure of sexual unity between two people who are in the conventional dating game. But  with ‘Fuck Buddies’, you are so intent on getting pleasure, that flabs can actually be viewed as the most beautiful thing EVER!!

So let me stop there with the Pros, before I’m mistaken to be the official Ambassador for Fuck Buddism. Now to the Cons…

Con #1: One major disadvantage about being ‘Fuck Buddies’ with someone is that the situation can go on forever!! It can get so comfortable and just go on and on until you realize that you’ve actually become stuck in it. One or both parties would still have their ‘Fuck Buddies’ on the side through any serious relationships they enter. It can be pretty difficult to get rid of a ‘Fuck Buddy’ no matter how hard you try. It’s like having a secret thrill that is always available for you whenever you need it, so letting go is a problem on its own.

Con #2: The Ultimate downside of ‘Fuck Buddism’ is the demon of Feelings. One way or the other, in most situations, emotional baggage must enter. Then, one party begins to feel short-changed by the other party. The initial comfort becomes compromised and then resentment sets in. This is most common especially with the girls…it’s not easy especially when you see the guy actually committing himself to someone else. You then begin to wonder what is wrong with you that didn’t allow him to see you as someone worth committing to.

Con #3: Another downside attached to feelings is that when someone practicing ‘Fuck Buddism’ catches the ‘Emotional Bug’, they most likely will try as much as possible to suppress it, for fear that expressing what they feel to the other person may cause them to lose the person totally. So they endure hardship, while all the while pretending like all is cool and they really don’t want more from the relationship.

Con #4: One advantage of an IDEAL ‘Fuck Buddy’ situation is the secrecy involved. Not everyone needs to know. But seeing that a lot of Guys (especially) only feel relevant when they brag about their conquests, they go out pointing out their ‘Keles’ (another term for ‘Fuck Buddy’) to the whole world, forgetting the fact that society judges women more harshly for the sins of both the man and woman. So a Girl who was just set out to have some fun by indulging in a ‘harmless escapade’ gets labeled a WHORE just because some Blabbermouth wanted to feel important.

Con #5: This happens a lot with guys and also with girls, depending on the individuals involved. People get very territorial when the prefix ‘MY’ is attached to something. Even if it’s ‘MY Kele’, ‘MY Scrobo’, or ‘MY Booty Call’, it’s human nature not to want anyone else to cross that territorial Boundary. It takes a very generous guy to want to share any of his ‘Keles’ with other people. So the other person feels trapped and it then becomes a question of “You don’t WANT me, but you also don’t want any other person to want me”. Na there WAHALA  dey begin…

So there you have it, 5 Pros & Cons each of ‘Fuck Buddism’. As for me and my house, I shall shamelessly admit to being a LOVER GIRL to the core!! Once again, I declare that I have neither ‘the mind, power or technical know-how’ to be a ‘Fuck Buddy’.

I actually feel sorry for the guy that comes to me with that intention, and then I now happen to like him!! Kai…he would regret the day that he ever realized he could approach a chic for ‘Fuck Buddism’, when I arrest him with my lovings!!

So people, until next Thursday when I bring you the lowdown on ‘The Sidechick’, remember that there is LOADS of Benefit in being MY Friend!!!

Tari’s Blog is www.tariere.blogspot.com OR follow TariEkiyor on Twitter

Tari Ekiyor

Tari Ekiyor

The quirky and humorous musings of a young writer who is determined to have nothing short of the best of everything in spite of the fact that everything seems to be trying to have the best of her. Welcome to S-I-R (STRONG INDEPENDENT & RELEVANT). You can also catch Tari on her blog www.tariere.blogspot.com.

12 comments

  1. Tari this was gospel. There is nothing you mentioned that didnt tug at my heartstrings. lol btw I am also not a fuck buddy. You also cracked some funny jokes, savannah rain forest and two guinea fowls lol. Con 2 was just on point, the way you phrased it was perfect.

  2. I really think fwb is nasty!on a selfish plane it sounds great but it ll definitely suffer an emotional twist esp if it goes beyond short term!

  3. My Gal was supposed to be a Fuck Buddy but somehow emotions was involved and i was trapped and madly inlove now.

  4. i can say dt iv become a pro in this area. (errr well sorta)…..iv had ds sorta relationship with 3guys already in 3yrs…..right now,im in a relationship with a dude, n if u wr to judge wat it is,im sure its abit more refined FWB….lol i honestly think lack of communication is wat flaws ds typa relationship. wev a had a fuckin agreement,if ur feelings are being encroached upon (somehow) den discuss it with me and lets decide together if we shld call it quits or not….really, i say its d best way to get ur sexuality back, d 2parties arent shy of themselves and u can get to learn n xperiment on alot of stuff….so my advice, 1 FWB xpeience is much NEEDED!!!…………at least 1.

    😀

    p.s wonderful write-up….held me down till d end!

  5. Lovely write up. I’ve been down the road lots of times. Just that my ‘fuck buddies’ end up wanting more than i can offer.Just disconnected from all’em n thinking of starting something serious.

  6. i tink ppl need friends with benefits.. it helps alot really ! its an agreement n if the 2nd party shuts up abt it i feel its veree gud bliss ! no commitments n expectations ! wat else cud sumone ask 4

  7. Lol@Keles, Scrobos,seriously, there are more relationships that the couple are more of FWBs but they dont realize it until they tie the knot! Now thats a totally different experience from FuckBuddhism(apologies Tari)! Me would rather be a lover than a FuckBuddy! Although, i could help a sister with a mercy job(if required) but no seconds! Just once is enough cos going for another would be tantamount to FWB/FWF!

  8. Oh wow, this was a great read…such a lover girl….friends with benefits just won’t work, and you right, the girl usually starts to question herself….

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