For some weird reason I may never be able to put my finger on and scream “AHHAAAA”, I’m very attracted to couples.
I like to watch two people whose paths crossed in the journey of life and decided to make those two paths one. I like to hear the term ‘WE’ much more than ‘I’, and so I’m always quite pleased to be around a couple…well, that’s until they get annoying and forget that we Singlelites are still around.
My soon-to-be-married friend recently invited me for a Friday Night Drinks session at her fiancé’s apartment; at first I was excited but then my eyes suddenly narrowed in suspicion, and I asked who else was going to be there.
She proceeded to mention the names of four other couples apart from her fiancé and herself that will be present. I did the quick mental calculations and realized that I, Tariere, would be the only Single person there if I went.
My mind went ahead to project possible scenes of how the evening could go: the ladies there holding their men tightly and eyeing me if I even dared to laugh at one their guy’s jokes; the guys seeing me as the only Un-Conquered territory in the room and possibly trying to lay some Undercover siege that would only PISS me the heck off; then the conversation being all about what ‘We’ did last week or what ‘We’ are planning to do tomorrow.
As I check the thing for my mind, I didn’t even miss a beat; “Mehn this babe go and enjoy, I’ll rather stay home in my solitude and watch Papa Ajasco or something!”
But aside from those kind of scenarios, I really do enjoy being around couples! In my quiet observation of Unmarried couples, I have discovered three uniquely different types of couples, and I will do a quick Profiling of both right now:
The Passively Involved
From the way I see it (and I do accept that I may be wrong) this couple is more concerned about the fact that they are seen to be in a relationship, than they are actually invested in the relationship.
They may have been together for years, upon years, but when it comes to making the selfless commitments it takes to be in a meaningful relationship, they seem to be lacking.
They don’t do everything together; they would only do those things that re-affirm their ‘We are still together’ status, for other people to see or basically any activity that fulfills their sense of duty or obligation toward the Relationship.
They have their totally separate individual lives, and give each other updates on it. They are not actively invested or involved in the other person’s life, but more passively. For them, it’s either one party is more committed than the other, or both are totally just more concerned about their own self.
They have learned to tolerate each other, rather than actively working on changing the things about each other that they don’t like. They may be very unhappy in the relationship, but would rather stay, either because of the safety the relationship represents to them, or for whatever else reason.
They lie a lot to each other or worse, ‘just don’t say’. They are so clueless about who the other person truly is, as they are un-wiling or afraid to look beyond the ‘IDEA’ of who they want the person to be, and actually SEE the person for who they truly are.
This couple is somehow convinced that they were made for each other.
They do everything together, have defined a collective set of goals for themselves and work together in achieving them. They are very dependent on each other for almost everything, and have merged their lives so intricately that it’s almost impossible for one to live apart from the other.
They have developed an understanding of one another, and allow each other a level of freedom to be themselves. It is very hard to come in between this couple, because they keep little or no secrets at all from each other.
They will passionately defend their relationship from any external influence and place tons of effort in resolving any issues they may have, between themselves.
They have accepted each other as being an active part of their individual lives and may sometimes face the challenge of losing themselves in the other person.
One immense risk this couple faces, is that in the unlikely event that they break-up, their individual identities would have been so lost to them, that they would feel as though their lives have come to an abrupt halt.
Like the name implies, being in their Relationship is simply convenient for both parties. For whatever reason, the relationship fits entirely into the plan/vision/desire of either party, at the point of their lives they are in.
It may be the guy who has gotten to that point where he believes getting a wife is necessary to climb the next rung on his ladder of Success; or the girl who needs the security of knowing there is someone she can call ‘Her Man’.
Whatever the case, this couple is simply in it for what it represents to them. You can identify the ‘convenience’ that defines this relationship by the lack of Passion in it. The couple is simply NOT crazy over each other, and may even feel somewhat uncomfortable if other couples are publicly affectionate around them.
They may justify the lack of Passion in their relationship by calling themselves a ‘Mature Couple’, or fashioning some other great-sounding theory, but deep within them lies an inner yearning for a deeper level of Intimacy.
So there you have it, 3 distinct types of Unmarried Couples, from my perspective.
I soooo do not subscribe to the idea of being in a Relationship for relationship’s sake. I believe every single Individual, male or female, should be with someone who is passionate about them, and who they are equally as passionate about.
‘Cos the way I see it, ‘Till Death Do us Part’ might just be a loooonnggggg time.
Check out Tari’s blog on…www.tariere.blogspot.com..you can also follow @TariEkiyor on Twitter.