SERIAL CHEATERS AND THE PARTNERS WHO REMAIN WITH THEM

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Personally, I can’t really say I’ve ever experienced the agony of being cheated on.

Yes, I have been in Relationships where I knew my partner was seeing other people, but maybe it’s that I didn’t care that deeply for the person, because I’d be lying if I said it was a painful experience.

I’ve had more experience being the Villain in my own private Cheaters series and I have witnessed the pain and hurt the person who’s being cheated on suffers.

Interestingly enough, the person that I cheated on, while in a serious relationship, didn’t break-up with me even after I confessed to him that I had been seeing someone else.

In my mind at the time, I believed that once he knew, the relationship would automatically be over, so I had already braced myself for whatever eventuality. But to my deep shock and somewhat frustration, as I wanted to be free to continue my rubbish, he actually was willing for us to move beyond that.

I was really confused about the fact that he still wanted to remain with me, knowing what he knew, and even began to suspect that he was probably just trying to get me all comfy again so he can show me strong thing!!

But that wasn’t his intention. He genuinely loved me and wanted to be with me, and so he was ready and willing to forgive me and commit himself to giving me whatever it is I was lacking that made me stray in the first place.

My reason for cheating was more out of my Selfishness and insatiable lust for attention. He was a great guy who never did me any wrong. So it broke my heart that he felt it was because of something he wasn’t doing right.

I saw how difficult it was for him, having to endure looking at me and knowing that I still had thoughts about the other person and probably having to imagine me with someone else, but he still stayed. In fact I was so guilty about my actions that I did everything to try to get out because I felt I didn’t deserve him.

My efforts at sabotaging the relationship were futile as they made him even more dedicated to making it work out.

From other people’s experiences they’ve shared with me, I have seen that my Ex’s reason for staying with me after my Infidelity is the rarest reason why people stay with their partners who cheat.

A friend was sharing with a group of us girls about how she walked in on her boyfriend with another girl in his house. It was very clear that the girl had been staying there with him as she was in her underwear when my friend walked in, but the guy denied it flat out to her face, saying he didn’t know who the girl was!!

Can you see this scenario: My friend walks into his house, he lives alone, half-naked girl there, yet guy says he doesn’t even know the babe, who is in his house, in his bed!!

As in like seriously, that takes pulling the “It wasn’t me” to yet another level. This guy till today has not owned up about his cheating, even though it is so clear to my friend.

Obviously the Man has Honesty issues and is definitely not sorry about his Infidelity. He is not even owning up to having been busted!! So the big question I had for my friend was “Why are you still with him?”

Now I know girls who are with guys who constantly cheat on them, and have accepted it. It doesn’t bother them anymore, or they do a pretty good job of hiding it, and just continue in the relationship like everything’s normal.

But this particular friend was obviously really hurt by her guy’s cheating, and so it clearly is not something she can or wants to accept. Yet, she stays with him even though he lacks the barest decency or balls to say the simple truth about what he’s done.

This is a guy who is in his mid-30’s and as we all know, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, especially when the dog clearly doesn’t want to learn.

So I asked my friend why she is still with him. She couldn’t give me an answer.

But the other girls there were quick to voice their opinions as to why she should stay with him:

“Ahh…you need someone that will be f*#king you now!! Do you want to be moving from one guy to the other?”

“As he has done this one now, it’s your perfect opportunity to get anything you want from him for life!!”

“At least he’s hiding it, which means that you’re the No. 1 and he respects you”

“Look, you better stay with him, because if you think you’ll ever find a guy who won’t cheat, you’re wasting your time!”

These were the individual responses of a group of beautiful, intelligent, well-to-do, young women to my question about why people (a young woman in this case) stay with Unrepentant Cheating Partners.

What do you say??

Tari Ekiyor

Tari Ekiyor

The quirky and humorous musings of a young writer who is determined to have nothing short of the best of everything in spite of the fact that everything seems to be trying to have the best of her. Welcome to S-I-R (STRONG INDEPENDENT & RELEVANT). You can also catch Tari on her blog www.tariere.blogspot.com.

13 comments

  1. its just crazy how we're all coming to terms with cheating as tho it should be norm. i've found myself in crazy situations lately and i guess i'm one of those who mightn't leave a man for cheating on me; afterall, who says the next guy won't do the same. *now singing: all i'm asking is for a li'l respect (while he's at it). R-E-S-P-E-C-T*

  2. sadly enouhg i might go with missiani, i probably wont leave a guy cos he cheats, if he is repentant i will stay
    but no second chances
    cos really Most men cheat
    most not all
    and i am determine to find my man in d 1% that wouldnt

  3. methinks we tie to much of our identity to relationships n' all. people, lets dream and move beyond ourselves n' who we goin out with. Lets kick ass… do some crazy ish… build companies, empires, websites, hospitals, anyfn dat makes a difference…… leave em' cheaters alone….. abeg!! lyf isnt jus bout f@#king n' gettn f@#ked *ghanian accent*… #nuffsaid already!!!

  4. One of my many mottos/creeds/personal statements or whatever, is to 'never say never'. I pray against that situation, I have never experienced it (lol probably from limited experience overall) but I am totally sure that it is easier for the affected person to say they will walk out than to actually do it. There are a few tough women, I finally watched welcome to lagos in its entirety yesterday and that was what one of the characters Esther did, she kicked the cheater out, it was painful for her but she did it nontheless. Not everyone is like Esther, for 99% (lol my dodgy statistics but you get the point) of the cheated on population, don't knock it till its happened (another modified adage hehe). Another enjoyable read btw!

  5. You stay with a serial cheater because you believe it is better to have a bad relationship than none at all. Sad part is its like a virus, the person cheated on starts to expect it from new partners.

  6. lol im a serial cheater myself, and the only reason i would leave my guy would be for health issues. I like to know the condition of the toilet im sitting in.

  7. Its a sad thing that women have come to accept cheating as a normal thing….maybe because most women do too….Im a guy and I dont cheat on the woman I really care about, love, respect and am in a committed relationship with..Guys that do it know d ladies will not leave so they do it anyway..Im not claiming to be perfect, I’ve done my wrongs but truth is it is u women that make us bad cos u accept everything we do cos ur so scared to be alone….A guy who cheats on u once will do it again and again…Ditto Ashley Cole, John Terry etc

  8. Hi Everyone! My name’s Tosin and I’m a cheater-holic…..lol! Ok, just kidding. I’ve cheated a couple of times, but it was only in relationships where I “just wasn’t that into the guy” and I’ve never been nabbed, so there was no question of me hurting the guy. Cheating, for me, is a BIG no-no so once I cheat repeatedly while I am still in a relationship, it means something’s amiss. I pick my bags and outty. I am also reasonable enough to know and accept a break-up initiated by my partner if I am caught, so my mind’s usually prepared for the worst. Thankfully though, that has not happened yet.

  9. i usd to think dt if i was in ds kinda situation i wd leave but it happened to me and am still in! LIKE SERIOUSLY…hes a big cheat…i dunno wt am doin with him.lol….i need help!

  10. There is nothing like respectful disrespect. Cheating is the biggest form of betrayal that can take place in a relationship. If the sex is not enough, -or not that good -or if either partner wants to wander, either change the relationship to an open one, or call it quits and get FWBs.

    And from a guys perspective, one of the reasons guys cheat is because we know the ladies will let us get away with it. They are usually too scared and lacking of self-worth to be willing to stand up for their rights.

  11. Well, I can tell you this. . if you’ve cheated on your man or woman and you feel like a badass. . .like you have all the power. . enjoy it. But you better stay with them if they are willing to forgive you. Karma will come back on you in at least one of your next relationships. .someone will cheat on you, and break your heart. .it is the law of nature and you cannot avoid it. . .when you cause someone extreme emotional pain. its going to come back on you. It happened to me. better stay with the person who loves you . . or move on to “greener” grass. . .and go from being the VICTOR . . to the VICTIM. Trust me. You reap what you sow.

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