Rumour Nigeriana!!!!

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This is a conversation that ensues between Titi and Nkechi ‘gisting’ about the what happened in the month April (well towards the end of April). As you would know we 9ja people like gist.  Now read their convo…..

Titi: Ehe ore mi!….have you heard the latest?

Nkechi: No o..I have not heard o, but wait till you hear my own latest, you will know your latest is not even the latest…

Titi: na wah o!, things dey happen for this country…wetin pesin no go see, wetin pesin no go hear

Nkechi: *Already spazzing in anticipation* tell me now, biko, I dey sick, I need my Vitamin G fix like a crackhead (VitG – that is the new name for gist/gossip)

Titi: Cool down jare, u too like gist

Nkechi: you nko?, you nko? *rolling her eyes*

Titi: Uhm, I hear say D’banj dey date Genevive now!!

Nkechi: hesay lie! hesay lie! you don’t mean it, how can! *clapping and holding waist akimbo style*

Titi: hesay lie wetin? I even hear she is pregnant for him and they are getting married next week

Nkechi: that yeye D’banj guy sef, e no dey keep eye for one place…ah ahn, I have been loving that boy since “tell them the koko”, but na that yeye bowlegged Atiku kpoxee e come go fall for.  Nonesense! I feel cheated!

Titi: You dey mind men? They are just idiots, Very useless people, they won’t fall for a tear-rubber girl, a fresh girl who will love and cater for them, so-so shine-shine girls wey don almost expire.

Nkechi: see me see Genevive oh! *almost crying* she don snatch my man…

Titi: *looking at her puzzled* abeg wake up jare, look you, D’banj will definately look at me before he looks at you, I am sure my Dapo knows better things

Nkechi: *clapping and sticking out tongue* jeloxy! Jeloxy!…..anyway I wish him and his old girl luck, I shall not be here waiting for him forever…

Titi: didn’t you hear when I said they are going to be getting married?

Nkechi: hissssssss….talking about marriage sef, it is good for someone’s daddy to have money o! Uhm, na wah, money is good o..

Titi: wetin happen?

Nkechi: Beyonce and the Beatles are coming to play at Bella Adenuga’s wedding sha. Her father is paying them $4 million USD each.

Titi: OMG!! Chei! Osanobua e! But who are the beatles?

Nkechi: why you dey ask me? I don’t know, I am just telling you what I heard..

Titi: the way you are saying it sef someone would think Bella told you by herself…

Nkechi: see me see trouble o, did I ever tell you she told me, I don’t even know her….who is she self?

Titi: you are asking me who she is abi? I pity your life…..by the way did you hear DaGrin died?

Nkechi: yes o, very sad tale..I almost cried…what happened sef, I heard his car ran under a stationary truck at Mushin

Titi: yeah, he was drunk as f**k

Nkechi: na wah o, too much alcohol is bad

Me: *walking by* God forgive una with all this nonesense rumour u guys are peddling…Doctors said there was no trace of alcohol in his system.

Nkechi & Titi: And you are?!!!

Me: they call me “Monk”:)

Nkechi & Titi: nice meeting you Monk, and thanks for the info

Me: *smiling* u are welcome ladies…try and spend less time on vitamin G sha…I can swear you both haven’t made 5 WAEC credits…and please dnt tell me about NECO

Titi: Oloshi ni bobo yi sha, who do you think you are?

Nkechi: *Batting lashes* He looks good tho….I hear he is hung like a parliament

Me: God save you from this life of rumours and tatafo

Titi: abeg leave us and our gist biko….lo sho gba e.

The Monk Speaks

The Monk Speaks

Blunt as a bludgeon, with wit the sharpness of a mesuya's knife, this Ibadan born native of the Delta comes at you with critical, incisive, and graphic dissection of random issues from Politics, Entertainment, Lifestyle, and Relationship - spiced with the correct measure of lightheartedness. Geek and Monk met on paper, welcome to this my world.

8 comments

  1. LMAO No o..I have not heard o, but wait till you hear my own latest, you will know your latest is not even the latest…
    Nkechi spazzing in anticipation, i need vit- G.., kpox *dead*

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