Here are the rules you need to read by always (https://www.360nobs.com/2010/05/memoirs-of-a-slu%E2%80%A6shhkid-the-rules-to-read-by/). Happy week 3 reading dear 360readers.
FRIDAY, May 28th 2010
8.00am: Please beg my body to forgive me because I’ve deprived myself good sleep. All I ask of this body is to take me through work today and I promise him a full night sleep.
Last night I went to the SACT SATC2 launch party at Getz and we all had that “If-you-see-me-here-then-I’m-fashionable-too” attitude. I saw enough Lacefront wig that would make you think that by the year 2015, all the women in India would be rocking the Amber Rose hair style as all their hair would be in Nigeria with RiTARD Dummy owing half of the collection. As expected, I saw some very old “Keles” with their new “Meles”. Exchanged BB pin with some and some already wants us to obey “Okafor’s Law”. God bless whoever invented “Okafor’s Law”.
4.00pm: I got an email from Slim asking me if would love to see SATC 2 after work with D and some of her friends. I said yes. Don’t judge me yet. I only wanted to be there because of Slim not the movie. Ok maybe a part of me wanted to see the movie. fack it. I wanted to see the movie jo.”isityourmoney?”
I got to the Galleria about 6.20pm, got the tiks and while I was going to get an extra ticket for Slim’s colleague I ran into Ms O, Ms S and another friend of theirs. Slim came through looking all fly and things. One day sha.
8.20pm: The Silverbird Galleria
The movie had just stared when I got a ping on BB and the following conversation took place
Chat with Nobz
Nobz, Juicegirl, Chioma
Juicegirl: I’m gud.Where r you?
Nobz: The Galleria
Juicegirl: Going out tonight?
Nobz: Nah..I want to stay in and moreover; I’ve gat a nude parry tomorrow
Nobz: and no you are Not invited
Juicegirl: I want to give you a treat tonight…..
Nobz: Really? What? You sha do not want me to get something out of this movie.
Juicegirl: My friend is in town and she likes your website. She wants to say weldone
Nobz: Say “Thank you “ to her for me.
Juicegirl: No,you tell her yourself
Juicegirl: I’m inviting her now
Chioma has been added to the conference.
Chioma: Hey Nobx *I’m excited
Juicegirl: Chioma,tell him jor
Chioma: I’ll do that na.Free me jor
Nobz: You guys should fight.let me watch abi read
Nobz: erm Yes
Juicegirl: When are you home?
Nobz: From 12,why?
Chioma: We want to cum?
Nobz: hehehehehehe @ “cum”
Juicegirl: Cuz we want to
Chioma: Nobx,I really want you inside of me.I told Ayo and she suggested a threesome.So can we meet at yours
Nobz: Tonight?Ayo,is this a setup?
Juicegirl: Why would I want to set you up?
Chioma: Nobx,I can’t wait to have the whole of you inside my mouth while Ayo handles your balls.I’m already wet.Shit I can flood the entire VI.
Juicegirl: Nobx,have you had a threesome before?
Chioma: Frm the first time I saw your pic and some tweets,I put you on my “To do list”
Juicegirl: Chioma is undressing here,Nobs
Nobz: Ayo,are you guys teasing me
Juicegirl: why should I?
Chioma: I named my VB “Nobs” and I’m bringing him tonight
Juicegirl: Nobs,what movies are you seeing?
Juicegirl: *Movie *
Nobz: Erm Sex and the city 2
Chioma: And tonight,we are bringing sex to your bed in this city called Lagos.
Nobz: Ayo,my cuzin is at home and I’ll text him to let you guys in..
Chioma: Who will you have first?
Nobz: We’ll throw a coin
Chioma: We’ll be on our way. Get Vodka and be fast before I bounce on your cousin.
Nobz: We don’t cross d**k in my family. You decide
Juicegirl: See you nobs
Sent from my Blackberry wireless device from MTN
I can’t remember the rest of the movie because after the above conversation I only wanted to go home and watch TV.
(PS: This conversation has been uploaded with full permission from parties involved with profile names changed).
11.00pm: Finally the movie ended but Slim wanted Dinner at Prime Chinese. (God, why can’t Slim just say “I’m off, Nobs.See you later”?).
We got to Prime CHINESE restaurant and walked straight to the bar where we met a NIGERIAN bar man. We ordered our drinks and meal. Another NIGERIAN served our meal and I can swear a NIGERIAN prepared it too.
It seems the only thing CHINESE about Prime CHINESE is the name, No?
We had dinner, Slim left and I drove down to my house without my seat belt.
Yes it was that bad>I was pressed.
12.06am: Lekki 1
On getting to home, my cousin handed a note from Ayo and it read, “Remove you clothes and don’t switch on the light”.
I took off my clothes and went straight to the bed.
By 2am we had wasted
• A bottle of Vodka
• 16 Condoms (They insisted I change for each person)
• And a new set of Bed barfs
They left in Ayo’s car and I went to De Marquee to meet the boys and together we moved to Caliente and then home.
SATURDAY, May 29th 2010
12noon: I woke very tired and bruised all over with fingernail wounds on my back.
I’ve got two parties to attend today ‘The All Nude Party” and “Hip Hop World Awards”.
I’ve so looked forward to the two events.
8.00pm: Akanbi Disu, Lekki Phase 1
I got to the venue of the party about 8.15pm and was led into the changing room by a naked girl whose breast were shouting “What can men do to me?” and I was thinking “Try me and see”.
I removed all my clothes and put them in the suit bag handed to me by “Miss Fine breast”.
We walked into the living room and I saw for the first time in my life a blinding collection of boobs, d***ks and pubic hair. I saw a few people I recognized and loads of people I’ve not met in my life. I got thinking, If only Eve did not eat that Apple maybe this would have been a normal church service and “Miss Fine breast” would have been an usher. <why don’t you take out time to think about it>. So “Miss Fine breast” finally introduced herself as “Candy” and went further to tell me that she got my contact off her friend after reading “Memoirs of a SLU..shhid”. I told her that it was a great honour for her to have considered inviting me.
Seriously speaking, I wish I could give the details of this party here but I’ll do just that as a special post if I get up to 300 “Yes” from the readers (firstname.lastname@example.org).
I over heard so many random conversations such as:
“Ijeoma, what style did you cut your pubic hair”
“Shit, the sight of that chap is beginning to make it rain in between my legs”
“Do you know that the number of erection in this room can get a woman pregnant just by looking”
“Naija boys carry”
“They shouldn’t have allowed that girl undress, her boobs are so disgusting”
After dancing with familiar faces and attractive bodied females, I searched for Candy and told her that I had to go for the Hip Hop World Award. She was sad but asked me if I would love to attend the next. Ofcus, I said YES. Don’t judge me, its one life.
10.30Pm: Eko Hotel
I went to the HHWA (Hip Hop World Award); click the link below for my take on it.
2.00am: The train went to change and we headed out to REHAB to celebrate with Banky W on his award.
On getting to REHAB, we ordered our drinks and while we were dancing and waiting, a text came into my phone from an unsaved number and it read “Are you alone”? I replied “Depends on who’s asking and for what?” few minutes later someone tapped me and when I looked back it was Vivian (An old Kele that I saw at Getz on Thursday).
We danced, shared two bottles of Moet Rose straight from the bottle. We got wasted and when I got to her house to drop her about 5am in the morning. She asked that we practice ‘Okafor’s law in the car’. The mind was barely strong but the body completely sold us out.
I got home at about 5.30am and decided to read the text message that I got while driving, it was from her and it read “Check your glove compartment, I left a lil present” I did and that was what I saw. (See picture below)
SUNDAY, May 31st 2010
11.00am: I woke up, asked for food and went back to sleep.
6.30pm: I woke up again had dinner and then drove to the Galleria for a meeting with Shola and Bims.
10.30pm: Got home, saw two movies and crashed.
I will be stupid to have done anything on Sunday seeing what I put my body through in the last two days.
Be back next week Monday (and everyday in-between) for Memoirs of a SLU…shhKid.