Nigerian Men: The Bling Factor

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For the first time in all of my 26years on this earth, I’ve finally realized what exactly I want in a Man.

In the past, I had always gone into relationships based on what I was seeing or feeling at the moment, as opposed to having a strong conviction in my heart that the person conforms to my personal projection of the man I want to be with.

I guess what I have designed is my own unique DNA for my Man and so if there isn’t that match deep in my subconscious, I’m not going to give a guy who’s talking to me even the breath of a chance.

I know it seems kind of harsh, but you wouldn’t believe how much easier it has made my life become.  Because of this DNA profiling of mine, I can look beyond all the physical ‘bling-bling’ on a guy and immediately access whether or not he can be shortlisted as a prospect.

‘Bling-bling’ as we all know can be very deceptive. Underneath that gleaming and almost blinding exterior can lie the cheapest quality and basest substance. It’s no different when it comes to Men and I guess also, Women.

The Bling represents the physical attributes (tall, dark, handsome), the speech mode (a British or American accent immediately raises a guy’s stock), the clothes, the car, where he lives, the job….basically everything that guarantees an immediate Push or Pull factor.

The Bling is highly effective here in Nigeria, probably due to our economy, seeing that very few women (myself included) who live quite affluently (or not) as Single Ladies, will cast and bind any idea of going into a marriage that will draw them into the horror of having to exchange their Louboutins for Cortina.

So our Men, brilliant and intuitive as they are, have devised many, many ways of presenting the Bling.  Just go into any nightclub in Lagos, and there you will witness Bling-fests in no small degree!

So I wasn’t too surprised when I was at a party over the weekend, bored out of my mind and wondering how many more of these I’d have to endure up until that time comes when I can be home plotting out ingenious ways to make my husband holler our house down in ecstasy, rather than be at one of these same ole Lagos parties, when the Bling presented itself to me in full glare.

The Blingist walks up to me, puts his hand around my waist and confidently announces himself:

Blingist– “Can I take you to my Beach House tomorrow?”
Me- “No, I’m busy tomorrow…..I’m going for (called the name of a major event)”
Blingist– “Look, I’m a (highly placed Government official) I will be there”
Me- “Well good….so will I”
Blingist– “So if not tomorrow, next week then?”
Me- “No, I’ll pass. Thanks for asking anyway”
Blingist– “Why are you taking pictures?”
Me- “It’s for my Blog”
Blingist– “Take a picture of me then”
Me- “I’d rather not”
Blingist– “You should….it’ll be your Claim to Fame”
Alright too much offensive Bling for me in just one night…..I walked away!!

So that was my last encounter with the Bling.  Always hilarious to see even a 40-something year old married father produce all he believes are his best cards (the assets, the status) just to get a girl.

A good friend of mine has this theory about the Male specie of all God’s Creation having to always present themselves in order to get the attention of the Female.  Hence the thunderous roar of the Lion or the breathtaking display of feathers by the male Peacock.  Apparently, the female peacocks don’t have the same awesome feathers their males do.

The louder the roar, the more beautiful the feathers, the more attractive these species are to their Females.

So are Men simply exhibiting their primal instinct when they feel the need to produce the Bling to get the attention of us girls?

Or have Men become so insecure in themselves that they now define who they are and their self-worth by their assets, designer label, status or even where they went to school?

Tari Ekiyor

Tari Ekiyor

The quirky and humorous musings of a young writer who is determined to have nothing short of the best of everything in spite of the fact that everything seems to be trying to have the best of her. Welcome to S-I-R (STRONG INDEPENDENT & RELEVANT). You can also catch Tari on her blog


  1. Tari,

    I rily love the way u write, bout what you wrote above, methinks it would take a very strong individual with his persona being a true reflection of his character to walk the lonely road of “apparent obscurity” to arrive at… *wel am short of words*…his own personal state of contentment. What I mean is this… being a man of substance is the very reason girls dont wanna go out with me. I am the shoulder to lean on, “their friend that sticketh closer than a brother” and confidant, but their lover… lie lie.. dem no go gree.

    I have an alter ego now who knows “how to play the game”. Knows how to be smooth et al and of course flash the bling. I have since killed him… i.e. my alter ego.

    Why? u may ask? wel, he only got chicks after that order… vain chicks to put it 9icely. birds of the same feather… I rest my case

  2. Since the time of the caveman, men have always come with their full wares on display and the roll of achievements ready to be reeled out since this was guaranteed to get them noticed. Don’t blame the blingist for being ‘cocksure’ (many meanings intended).

    The thing is that just like a plastic chick will turn off a thinking man, so will a plastic guy turn off a thinking woman. Guess how much thinking or how many thinkers happen on the party scene…

    And yes, men have virtually always defined themselves by what they have and not who they are as they attack each other and make each other feel inadequate, albeit via social presentation and responses garnered… A truly confident man who does not step forward with his bling is a dangerous thing to be and that is the one type that most women would BURN their loubs to get…

  3. Hey dear, beautiful write up as usual!!

    It’s amazing and i admit a tad cool, to see the way these dudes, flash out their ‘blings’, to attract the attention of the ladies….u know its the same 4 all men, wealthy or not, theres always something they are flashing out, even if its being extremely and annoyingly nice…lol. Anyway….these are some of d joys of being a woman, we just attract these “displays” i guess….but still at the end its what they got inside that counts, at least to some of us chics….
    nice goin Tari!!

  4. Nicely put Tari, there are men and there are MEN… truth be told ..the shallowness out there is just ridiculous … but due to the fact that ladies are now more financially aware but no more less independent the guys see that as the pulling hook… dropping the standards of the kind of men that are for keeps.

    socially for a while now , i havent crossed paths with someone i could define as a ReaL Man..

    May God help us all…

  5. Well worded, Tari. Only a wise woman would look past the “bling” that’s constantly thrown in our faces and decide what exactly it is she wants. I’ve received slack from men and women alike when i said things like, “that guy’s a little too loud for me” when a “blingist” brought all his “swag” around me. A lot of people, shockingly, don’t quite understand why all this is a facade. To me,a man’s brain is the biggest turn on.

  6. @Tari,
    As always, you make for an interesting read. Personally, i do not dig a woman who to has to be blinged b4 she can dig me(no pun intended). Like i stated at another forum recently, who i am is not determined by what car i drive, where i stay or who i roll with!If a female can not accept for me, then she can keep her Choos/Xtian Louboutins while i trek around in my Batas/Cortinas.. Like a wise old man once stated, do not marry a man because he has a television( Nakamachi Plasma/LCD/Bang&Olufesens etc)but marry a man because he has a vision and that vision will put you on Television!@Dapo Ajay…. thank goodness you killed the Mr. Hyde in you cos the more you get ingrained in your alter-ego, the more it becomes you….
    Keep the ink flowing………

  7. As usual am moved by d reality of the write up.But then i cant blame d guyz cos dats wot some girls look out for.Some girls are simply ass kissers.Materialism has always bn an advantage.Unfortunately dats mega VEIN!!!.Personally i believe dat those dat follow guyz 4 wot dy see hav given up on themselves.We should always look inward cos dats where the real beauty lies n stays foreva!

  8. I am a realist.
    If you have a yankee or jand accent? Well and good.
    Moneyed dudes like George Lopez and that Mittal still have their native accents, so not much ado about accents.
    If you look @ me and judge me by how deep my pockets are or how fast my car is, you can as well give yourself some sense and move along.
    I’m off that.
    When I am looking @ woman, yeah, she shuld be fine… But not a priority.
    Your heart, your brain, attitude; these don’t change as much as the physical attributes.
    But finally, we are entitled to our choices and responsible for them.
    The blinger, the real man; whatever rocks ur boat? Each to his/ her devices.
    Good work Tari.

  9. Nice piece. I have to say that such a guy would do that, because that’s what works for him. He must have bagged numerous girls as a result. You can’t deny that there are many girls out there more concerned about the bling than about anything else, and many men respond accordingly. I guess it’s shallow guys for shallow girls. It’s a vicious cycle.

  10. Hahaha!! “it’ll be your claim to fame”!! Why oh why? do these guys feel they can get away with saying things like that? Loved this piece! absolutely!

  11. I found my daily bread! officially! Please Tariere bless us with more of your wit and wisdom!
    P.S : you are gorgeous! not the fake “i just got this cream mixed for me” gorgeous, but the real “i just rolled out of bed looking like this” gorgeous!

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