Before now, the longest amount of time I’ve ever been single for is 40minutes!!
I’m one of those serial daters whose entire person has more or less been defined by all the different relationships I’ve been in through my life. I once read a feature in Cosmopolitan about how the styles of different Celebs changed with each relationship they were in.
Angelina Jolie from her Billie Bob-Thornton days to her Brad Era; Jennifer Lopez from her Diddy (oh sorry…Puff Daddy) days (a la bandana) to her and Era du la Marc and many more.
I’ve not been fortunate enough to have allowed these relationships define just my Style; heck if that’s all they affected I’d be priding myself on being a Super Fashion Evolutionist with Darwin’s theory having nothing on those I’d have been giving; and then I’d probably put Victoria Beckham out of business.
Everything about me has been in one way or the other influenced by a relationship I’ve been in, and I’m going to prove it to you:
I drive with one hand and lean slightly over to one side. It’s been called my ‘Badness’ pose on the wheel and I assure you it is absolutely instinctive. Inherited from a guy I dated about 10 years ago, who thought he was the flyest thing to hit the streets of Lagos since Okadas. Dumped me to date the daughter of a political heavyweight on the eve of her father’s Inauguration!! Let me shock you even more by informing you that that was the exact reason he gave me as to why he was breaking up with me!!
One of my favorite songs ever is Usher’s ‘You got it bad’. I still sing it with intense passion whenever I hear it till today. Reason: guy I dated about 8years ago dedicated it to me when it first came out!!
This is a line from the song, “You’re my girl, I’m your man; I’m going to tell it to the whole wide world”. My heart would skip beats and a warm feeling would overwhelm me as I listened to that part of the song at the time.
I remember one day telling my close friend that he dedicated the song to me and her response was, “But he doesn’t tell the whole world now!!”
Talk about being tactless!! I didn’t care at the time that it was the truth in its purest form seeing that I was like his 300th girlfriend and he couldn’t exactly boast about being with me to the world, and then bust his game in the process. As far as I was concerned she was just so jealous that she couldn’t even bother to hide it; it’s not like there was anyone dedicating any songs to her. Well, except maybe Shine’s ‘Get Out’.
For the longest time I had mad, mad love for BMW’s. Till this day, I still feel something stir in me when I see a BMW. Inherited from yet another Ex who was passionate about the German brand which I’ve heard being referred to as “That Nazi Sled!!”
How did it end with him? His Ex got pregnant and had a baby for him while we were dating!! And as you can guess, I was the last to know about it!! Errr…and I kinda had a little something with his friend too; so I can’t exactly put all the blame at his doorstep. Alright you can kill me now, but can I at least choose my method of execution?!
So let’s not even get talking about my inherited love for Chinese Cuisine, classic movies, Sting and British Lifestyle Channels; or my distaste for all those gigantic apartment buildings in Ikoyi that have over 500 people living in each, which I once thought was cool by the way, until a guy I was with referred to them as ‘Barracks’.
I’m sure you get the picture now. My entire sense of self has been defined by the ideas, opinions and personality traits of the men (and boys) that I’ve dated up until now; hence my somewhat dysfunctionality.
It doesn’t help matters that I’m very impressionable and unconsciously absorb quirks from people I interact with. Classic example: 2 weeks of watching nothing but TV series, Entourage, and I began swearing in almost every sentence and caught myself walking like Vincent Chase (played by Adrian Grenier who has to be my next BF by the way) much more than once.
So I’m wondering, am I the Ultimately Exclusive Don-Dada in Relationship Identity Thievery, OR is it a natural thing to merge into one shared Identity when you are with someone? After all, the Bible does say that “the two shall become 1 flesh”.
OMG!! That would make me a number of duplicated fleshes!! God help me!!!
More of Tari’s thoughts on www.tariere.blogspot.com