IF I WERE A BOY…(Article is rated Not Safe For Work)

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I roll over in bed. TGIF…….No……..TGIAPH! (Thank God Its A Public Holiday)...I don’t have to work today!

Oh yea! Thank you, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I look over and BigYellowTitties (aka BYT) isn’t there…..Good Girl! She’s knows how to keep Prince William Dickenson the 1st aka BigWill happy.   Suck Me, Fuck Me and Let me be. Those are the words he lives by….stop with the dirty looks, I’m just the messenger.

I’m not one to brag but at 10 inches *grin* I’ll say, God was being very generous when he made BigWill. You see, I’m a good man. I believe in Charity (and Chastity my fave stripper) and I believe every woman, who is privileged enough to be chosen, ought to be blessed by BigWill.   He is a blessing from God and I need to share that blessing with as many as possible…..its only fair!  It’s in the books, check!

Anyway, BigWill is in a good mood too.  My soldier is at attention, ever ready for battle. *sigh* I love my Cock , Dick Penis Best Friend.  I grab my phone and call Elizabeth.  She’s one crazy chick…. always up for a good early morning shag. She says to give her 15mins.  That’s a while but I can wait. I can’t speak for Will though.

I hop out of bed to the kitchen to make myself some coffee….lo and behold, BYT didn’t leave!

She’s in the living room watching Fashion fucking Tv!  Elizabeth will be here in 15 fucking mins! WTF?!

She looked up and saw that I was frowning….“What’s wrong baby?” She asks….

“Uhm….my mum is almost here.  She just called and said she has something important to discuss. You’re gonna have to leave baby. She’s very religious. I don’t want her to think we are living in sin here and ruin our chances when we decide to get married.” I reply.

I see the excitement on her face as she takes in my words.  She scrambles to the room to grab her stuff.   In 3mins 21secs, she exits the building.

Women and Marriage…*tsk tsk*….you can tell them to sell their kidneys all in the name of marriage and they gladly throw in a liver!   I won’t mind getting married but I know it’ll hurt BigWill’s feelings.  The thought of depriving him of the variety he’s known his whole life is cruel.  I’m not a bad person.  I Am Generous.

There’s a knock on the door. Its Elizabeth.  She’s wearing a short dress.  She has the most banging body ever.  She’s my Nicki Minaj.  The Ass na die! “This needs to be quick, Lanre.  I have a hair appointment in 30mins” she says.

I hike up her dress. No underwear…. Thank you God45mins later, BigWill is satisfied and Elizabeth needs to go to the salon.   Stat! Her hair is all messed up. “Look what you did Will!” I scold him silently.

Fast forward to 10pm after a day of footie and paint balling, the boys and I are at our favorite bar.  I’m puffing on my Cuban.  Half a bottle of JD and all is almost well with the world. Almost.

This nice piece of ass is staring directly at me. The view is so beautiful, I wish I could take a picture, and put on our national currency.  Na wa oh! Who says there is no God? Her skirt keeps riding up while she dances. Will is nodding in approval.  He’s telling me her hair needs to pulled and yanked while I’m blessing her from behind.  I agree with him.

I walk up to her. My friends are looking at me funny.  Yes boys, you ought to be jealous!  From behind, I hold her close. Pressing BigWill on that Ikébé so she knows wassup. I whisper in her ear, all the naughty things I want to do to her. I kiss her neck gently, she grinds that ass on me. I ask for her name….”Danielle”.  She says….

30 mins later, we are at mine.  I’m kissing her like I need it to save my life. Her lips are sooo soft…..damn! She takes my clothes off….then she does a little strip tease while she takes hers off.  Her boobies are big and firm. Silicon. But who cares…. She does a little dance and then takes off her panties…..

…….I Screamed……..



I wake up in a pool of sweat! I reach for my lady bits! No penis! Oh Thank you God!

Lara is looking at me crazy….”Lala, you just had that dream where u were a dude with a large cock and larger ego, again didn’t you?” She asks.

I nod. “Its getting freakier. This time he picked up a pre-op tranny. I need to rinse my brain with some Vodka before we go out.” I reply.

“Whatever, just hurry and fix your makeup. I’m not going to miss SLU…shh tonight because of your big dick alter ego.”



A couple of loose bolts. Swears like a drunken sailor. I tell it like I see it. Sometimes sweet, sometimes sour. Lover of break-up songs, chocolates, Amy Winehouse and twitter. Welcome to the Random Musings of a Peculiar Mind.


  1. Yup am a dude in my dreams no doubt, don’t know about the large dick , cock , penis inclusive with tranny, like the random mind tho but one day i hope to dream that dream and stay there. in reality i like cocks a lot, am in love with one particular dick sef *hand on chin, deep in thot* does that make me gay? lol more vaseline to ur female bits lala!!!

  2. i love the article…oops and i wasnt supposed to read this in the office, yea right
    something about it had me gripped all the way to the end of the article. kudos babes

  3. lol ok so… you fucked 2 diff hottt babes in ur dream… sure ur mind isnt telling u something about ur sexuality? hehehe. nice one tho

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