I ASK, MUST YOUR WIFE BEAR YOU A CHILD?

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Dear Friends,
I have a concern and i would like us to discuss.
It’s something that has been bothering me for a period.
I’ve seen beautiful marriages break up for this reason.
I’ve heard stories of people keeping two homes because of this issue.
I want to know, MUST YOUR WIFE BEAR YOU A CHILD?
(qbox smileys)

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!

33 comments

  1. ..nope! A wife does not have 2 bear a child for her husband… But the couple must have agreed on this before tying d nuptial nut tho…

  2. I dont think a wife has to have a child for her husband for a marriage 2 stay 2gtha! but the mentality is there tht a child is the next course after a marriage in the society we were brought up in! but I dnt think its a necessity. But theres a difference btwn nt being able 2 hve kids n not wanting to have kids

  3. Bia Noble,
    You must be out of your mind.
    The only reason a man marries a woman is so that she can bear children for him.
    Are you saying that i’ll spend my money and marry a woman and she’ll still want to keep her shape?Shape ndi muo
    If i don’t want children,then i’ll continue “buying” women from the street of Allen Avenue.
    Yes a woman must bear me children,if you don’t agree then don’t marry me.

  4. believe it or not, there are people who do NOT want children. does that make them evil? some people come together and because of the kind of people they are, they just want to be alone, no children, “no complications”, just a simple marriage. I have to agree with Diidi, though, there’s a big difference between not wanting kids and not being able to have kids. When you hear statements like “the only reason a man marries a woman is so that she can bear children for him”, you see how warped this so called tradition is and how it has eaten deep into our people. Your families would hardly understand if you told them that you and your wife didnt want kids, they’d put both of you in prayer or take your matter to the nearest dibia depending on their faith. They’d more or less make your life a living hell!!! Mr Dozie, you mean you cannot get married because you’ve met someone that you have so much in common with and who speaks to your soul? you might as well get married to the women you buy on Allen Avenue, i’m sure they can also bear you children.

  5. I dnt fink its necessary……u just ve 2 agree bout it b4 u get married. N mayb smwhere along d way if u guys change ur mind fine.

  6. Hahahhahah!!!! I want to buy women from Allen Avenue! Too funny! Is he getting married or he’s buying a uterus?!

  7. @Lamieh,
    I’ll buy anything they’ve got for sale.
    In fact,my wife better be ready for sex every night or a BJ whenever she’s on her thing.
    I can’t pay so much for marriage and then waste one night

  8. @ Boogie well said!! I think 95% of the male population would answer yes to the question. There are single guys who will tell you that ‘i cant marry her because we are both AS’!!! We hardly get the ‘i love her and i want to be with her regardless’..

    1. iHave refrained from passing a comment on everything else because iKnow that given a certain combination of circumstances, we will sing an altogether different song. But on the AS vs LOVE issue: will you be willing to wing it for the sake of love? Take dat chance? Would you really wanna test your love that way? iKnow iWon’t – not knowingly.
      #doneTalkin

  9. @dozie lol. I hope u get a wife dat’s got ur kind of orientation, in this day and age! Afterall its all about compactibility… @boogie well said bbz!! :-* 😀 @lamieh lol. Lwkmd! @iks. U d Man! 😉

  10. Its petinent a wife to bear issues for her hubby did they tie for richer n poorer jst to wake looking at other face (abi no be mama born d guy?)n xcept there’s a prob wit reproductn den they shld agree b4 marriage….she’s still right mother.

  11. @ Icebricks, its not PERTINENT for a woman to bear kids for her husband!! Yes its good to have kids, but its not a “do or die matter”!!!

  12. I dont agree tht your wife must bear u a kid, did u marry her to give birth to kids or cos u loved her… if the kids come which we all want considering culture and tradition fine… but if not glory be to God all the same …

  13. I feel that the biggest problem within the Nigerian culture is that we don’t fully realize that marriage is more about companionship than child rearing. Children are the by-product of successful marriages, not the reason to get married. Children are going to grow up and move on. The love SHOULD be constant and more of the reason why you get married.

    If you need to rear something, get cattle. We are women, not cows!

    Great topic!!! I’m sure its going to get lots of hits!
    Goodluck with the site-it’s great!

  14. Folks get married to have kids and build a life as a family. I think there must be some kind of understanding…the lady should let the man know that she is not gonna be havin’ his kids before he makes plans to marry her. In my opinion, tellin’ him that you don’t wanna have kids after the union has been ordained by God is cheatin’. I wouldn’t mind marryin’ a girl that doesn’t wanna have kids IF she tells me before we get married and IF I love her that much but If she keeps that kinda “vital information” from me then I really don’t know what I’d do but I think I’d lose it.

  15. A good marriage will produce kids. But I don’t think its mandatory for a woman to bear a child if there’s mutual undderstanding between the couple.our society is funny but they are not going to live together for eternity are they? No! The couple are.its their choice.

  16. Well,I dont think it is a MUST but personally I would like my wife to bear me one. Marriage is btwn a man and a woman and that is what defines the union, children are blessings that come after that and they are not what defines the marriage. Albeit, in most cultures I’m familiar with, it is a stigma for a woman not to give her husband a child, it has been that way since the days of old (in the Bible) and that mentality still exists in the Yoruba culture.

  17. listen people,our problem in nigeria stens from our always wanting to act and live the western life.most times people lie to themselves all in the name of being HIPP and having an oppinion and being relevant or on 2nd thot,appearing relevant…we are nigerian,and believe me we have a beautiful culture,infact i love my culture like no mans business,i am proud of how i was trained and brought up by my folks and i am trying mighty hard to instill the same to my 4 kids.things are a bit different now and its makes me sad,all of a sudden women can get up and proudly proclaim they dont want to have kids!!!!! abomination..how did they come about themselves…immaculate conception???? i wonder.people get married and want to have children because they want to continue their lineage..is that so bad??? common people..we are africans..and should behave like africans…sometimes i wonder though!! those women that say they dont want to have kids..is it cos they cant or cos they dont want to…cos i had heard stories of when women lie that they dont want children cos they really cant..(even though ii dont think its so bad if you cant,afterall its God that gives )

  18. Noble,

    I don’t think that a wife has to bear children for her husband per se, but it depends on why she isn’t bearing them.

    1. Infertility?
    2. A mutual decision between the husband and wife?
    3. Wife’s sole decision?
    4. Other problems (like money, etc)?

    If she’s not bearing them because of any reason apart from number three, then it’s okay, and I hope that can both become parents when they can or are ready to. If she’s not bearing children because SHE doesn’t want to, then nsogbu di kwa. Onwe k’odi biko.

  19. Definately! wat is d need 2 get married if u dnt want to have kids u shld jst stick wit a relationship if u dnt wnt kids i tink its selfish 2 jst decide nt 2 hv kids wat remains of u wen u leave dis world?

  20. all good comments above…
    however I will make one comment to @Kay…our culture has both its good and its bad sides, as do most things. Culture just like times MUST change. Its how we evolve as people.

    The question was “I ask, must your wife bear you a child?” This is what the Yoruba culture as I know it uses to judge women by. I am very sorry, but I do not think my ability to bear a child makes me LESS a woman. There are various reasons why some women simply cannot bear children (mainly medical reasons) and they sometimes never realize it until they start trying to have children (after the marriage). All of a sudden, life turns into a living hell because you cannot have a child? Aren’t there TONS of children out there begging and praying to have someone to love them? The point is, it shouldn’t be that way. We are more than that.

    @Vera you’re right, it is not something ANYONE should decide on solely. Especially since its both of you that are living this life together and have to live with the decision. But I do not believe you should be judged if you want 0 kids or 25. But the mentality has to change, if thats the culture, i’m sorry, I can do without it! The good parts of our african heritage should be shared/carried on, others should be forgotten along with rubbing two stones together to make a light!!!

    Just my 2 cents 🙂

  21. I completely agree with Remi F. This culture that some speak so fondly about WILL and MUST change. The fact that my parents and grandparents did it does NOT mean i should. Personally i want kids, loads of kids, but let’s say i didnt, how dare anybody come into my home to tell me i’m not fulfilling the basis of my marriage. Who are they to dictate it??? I also agree that this is a decision that cannot be taken by just one party, husband and wife, due to reasons best known to them should take the decision together. All of you talking about culture and tradition, i know about some that state that a woman MUST marry her husband’s brother if her husband dies and leaves her a widow, i hope y’all are willing to agree with that too.

  22. its selfish of a woman not to want to have kids with her husband but that isn’t enough reason for a man to want to get married just because he wants kids! what happens when u both agree to get married, after marriage she can’t get pregnant. Do u kick her out?????

  23. People should get married not for the sole reason of having children but because they are in love and desire each others company. They should also marry the one they would love to have CHILDREN with!

    God ordered us to go into the world and multiply, its a direct order, but ofcourse exceptions exist. I’m sick of people making snide remarks about our culture, whoever told you the other man’s culture is better than ours and pray tell, why cant they emulate us and fill their homes with kids.

    If a man wants children, then he should marry a woman he loves who also wants children and pray that they are able to have children together, failing which, he should just accept his fate.

  24. My opinion,y not bear Ą̸̸̸ child if she can!its not Ą̸̸̸ must o but let’s be real,if its for companioinship alone dat people get married,won’t dey get tired of eachoda on D̶̲̥̅̊ long run,love fades or some love I shuld say fades.one tin is clear though,children to Ą̸̸̸ large extent cement/bond marriages and even odinary relationships,we see dat,most distressed couples hang on to their marriages cuz of their children on D̶̲̥̅̊ other hand people in relationships get to marry cuz dey share Ą̸̸̸ child and b4 ў☺ΰ know it dey have Ą̸̸̸ perfect marriage..as much as we try,we cant really keep marriage & childbearing apart cuz dey correlate!

  25. @Dozie…..smh for u. So all u see a woman as is a baby factory and marriage to you is simply a contract paid for the sole pirpose of child-bearing and sex whenever and however u want. Guy, change ur orientation or better still go to the village and look for a wife that her parents will nid ur money cos no gal in this century will want to be sold instead of tying the knots for love. So what if the problem turns out to be you not being able to produce fertile sperm?? Can u give d girl permission to leave u and get any dude she wants on the streets of VI or Lekki, huh???? Pls people, children are not the criteria for marriage but rather a blessing from God and if they dont come..it shouldnt change your attitude/love towards your partner. Besides….adoption is an option if u really really want kids that bad.

    Its every family’s dream to have kids but if they dont come……God knows best, afterall marriage is for better for worse.

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