Kissing Techniques You Can Steal From

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I kissed a guy once…and I hated it.

This was so many years ago. I was just a teenager then and this guy told me he wanted to kiss me. So I closed my eyes and waited for the Hollywood type of kiss…


That never happened.

First, he forced my lips open. Shoved his tongue in. Spread wide my whole mouth. And started delivering saliva down my throat. On top of everything, he was grabbing my head like the kiss was an injunction from God.

Lawd! That was the worst kiss ever! And I told myself that I was never ever ever going near a bad kisser again! The moment I got close to a guy and he didn’t know how to do a simple, ‘part open the lips slightly’ to kiss, I was gone.

Everyone knows kisses are important in a romantic relationship. You cannot not know how to kiss. It is against humanity to be a bad kisser. I am even certain if you dig through time, you’ll find a law from the middle ages that chopped off people’s tongues if they kissed badly.

Every day, people fall in love and no doubt they will think of that first kiss and how it’s all going to go. The people who will think of this more are women. Guys will not mull over the issue much; they tend not to worry about such stuff – that is if they’re good.

But what if they’re not? What if after their last kissing encounter they were told that they were bad? What if they don’t even know how bad they are? Like in my case, I din’t tell the guy; I just went my way and pitied the next girl he would fill with saliva.

So the big question is: how do you know you’re a good kisser if you’re not told? How do you get to that point where you know that you’re damn good?


It’s all about technique. No one is born a natural kisser, male or female. You learn as you kiss and the good thing is that you don’t have to be a pro to kiss well.

  1. Start with pecks. If you’re not sure how to go, keep your lips close and peck your partner, not on the lips directly but on the sides of the lips. Then you can move to the upper lip and lower lip. Pecking eases whatever apprehension you have and gives you time to breathe before the real deal. Remember not to turn your mouth into a beak while doing this.
  2. Go soft. You can now part open your lips a little and kiss your partner’s upper or lower lip as you did earlier. You can do this dry. He or she mustn’t feel your saliva yet. Exhale as you kiss so that your breath blows gently over your partner’s lips. The hot air will make him or her want more of you.
  3. Get wet. At this point, it is okay for you to let your partner taste you a  little. Put your lips in-between theirs and kiss gently. Kiss up, kiss down, move to the side, tug the lips a little but don’t pull roughly. Tease a little with your tongue as well. Back off slightly, look into the eyes of whom you’re kissing and then you can go in again – for something deeper.


  1. Lick the lips. Now, it’s all about lips, tongue and saliva. No more shame here. Go all the way but don’t get too steamy too fast. Lick your partner’s lips. Work your tongue on them in a ticklish manner, both on the outer and inner parts.
  2. Suck the lips. Go deeper. Suck those lips but softly. Don’t pull them into your mouth like you want to swallow or you could cause injuries. Nibble and tickle with your teeth as you do so.
  3. Go all the way. Now you have your partner’s lips wanting yours. By now, they would have kissed back equally and shown signs of wanting more, by trying to push in their tongue. Don’t hold back now; it is time to ignite the fire by claiming those lips completely.

The truth about French-kissing is that no one can teach you completely how to go about it. If you follow the above teasing and introductory stages, the rest comes naturally. It is a connection between two people and it differs with each couple, depending on chemistry, lips structure, passion and reason for the kiss. You might be kissing because sex is on the agenda, or just teasing each other or just for plain attraction or love. All of that contribute to how intense the kiss should go and the manner in which it occurs. Still, you need to have certain things at the back of your mind; trick and tips that can help you.

  • Use your hands. If you’re a guy, put your hand behind her neck and caress her gently as you kiss; run your fingers through her hair (if her weave is not in the way); hold her waist alternatively and squeeze gently with each movement of your lips; or you could hold her face (females like this better); play with her earlobes, lift her chin up with a finger and look into her eyes while delivering short kisses. Ladies, the nape of a guy’s neck is sensitive as are his earlobes. Gentle strokes should be applied. If you have long fingernails, use them to tickle and tease; you could also rest your hands on his chest at the initial stages until theings gets steamy.
  • Control your saliva. If you don’t spit when you talk, I don’t see why you should deliver copious amounts of saliva to your partner when kissing them. Swallow your spit as you kiss. Chances are you’re swallowing your partner’s juices as well but it’s no issue; you’re already kissing them.
  • Avoid slobbering the face with saliva. Saliva is for mouths, not the face. Unless the person you’re kissing tells you they like it, don’t do it. Saliva on the face leaves a not so nice smell and turns a lot of females off. I don’t know about guys but generally, stick to the lips and other erogenous zones.
  • Don’t clash teeth. I once heard a funny story told by a chick who said a guy she kissed kept hitting her teeth with his that she was sure if anyone heard them they would think swords were clashing. Please don’t do that. Teeth are for nibbling alone.
  • Don’t open your mouth too wide too quickly. Some people hear of French kiss and they automatically think it’s all about opening wide their mouths and covering it over another person’s. No, don’t do that. Let it widen as you kiss.
  • Listen to your partner’s responses. He or she may want to go slow but you are going fast. Respond to them. If they are not doing much, then you can lead.
  • And lastly, talk about the kiss before it happens. If it’s your first time together and it isn’t one of those spontaneous moments, then you can actually talk about the kiss in a manner your partner would not be offended. Go like, “I love your lips and I want to kiss you now but I don’t know if you’d want to.” If they give you the go ahead, then add, “How would you want me to kiss you? Like this…?” And then you can start with a small peck or an introductory kiss. Or alternatively, talk about your worst kissing experience and ask about theirs. That way you know what they like or don’t like. With time, you guys know what works best for you and you’ll kiss effortlessly.

Hope this helps someone today.




Sally is the author of the Fish Brain series and Boys With Toys. She has written other online series like The Immortals’ Code, No heart Feelings, Novocaine Knights, To Tame a Virgin and In Pursuit of Kyenpia. She lives in Lagos with her husband and kids and loves the occasional bar lounging with friends. She blogs on or you can follow her on Twitter @NovocainKnights


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