As a Christian, you may not ask yourself this question until you find out one day that you are constantly having long drawn arguments with your spouse over silly little things, going through a whole day without calling each other, treating sex as a boring duty or worse, still find out that (s)he is having an affair. You now come face to face with the reality that you have grown apart and seem to tolerate one another just because of the kids. You didn’t think it would end up like this; after all, you are Christians.
As lovebirds in a new marriage, you always had time for each other. You laughed at his jokes even though sometimes, they weren’t funny. You just wanted to be with him. You loved her smile and always loved to hold her in your arms, thanking God that her curvaceous body was made just perfect for your arms. You two had open minds and were eager to love and learn about one another.
Like most couples, you probably gave your relationship more time and attention when it was new – and now, maybe you’ve been married several years or months and that newness has worn off – and so has your excitement. And that can become a vicious cycle.
Marriages become boring when we stop spending time and energy on our relationship with our spouses. Marriages become boring when our top priority becomes work or friends or the kids or something else besides our relationship with our spouse. When you get stuck in a “one-dimensional” marriage – where you just eat meals together, sleep in the same bed, have sex and talk about what the kids are doing in school – you’re bound to have a boring relationship!
The fact is, any marriage can become boring – no matter how fabulous it was when you started out. If you don’t care for and nurture your relationship, then your marriage is in danger of becoming boring
And over time it goes from boring to downright irritation and looking outside for “new adventures”.
The fact is exciting marriages do not just happen, they are made. You have to work at it. So if you find that your marriage is very boring, do something about it before it turns sour. Don’t think you have reached the stage where you think it is already over. You can rekindle the lost love that sparkled your lives when you just got married.
I will like you to try these tips to get back to the good ole days and even make your current and future days better.
1. Look yourselves in the eyes and tell yourselves the truth. Take some time off and talk about your marriage. Talk about your expectations of one another. If you wrote down your expectations in a book before your marriage, go and find the book and review them. If you never took time to write down the expectations, take time to write them now. You need to write down your expectations as a husband, wife, lover, friend, leader, follower e.t.c. And see how you can work together to meet these expectations.
2. Confess all hidden, unresolved issues. Unresolved offences block all kinds of intimacy – emotional, physical and spiritual. It is as serious and can be likened to when you bring your gifts to God and the Bible says “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Do not kid yourself and say that there are no unresolved offenses. You may be shocked at some of the revelations if you are true to yourselves. For a woman, it can be bearing a grudge against your husband because he constantly says you are fat. Or for a man, when your wife talks down on you in front of her parents. Just confess to one another and ask for forgiveness.
3. Endeavour to put your spouse first just after God. I do believe that the true order of priority is God, your spouse, your children and your work. You must make spending time together a priority, just as you did when you were first dating – quality time and quantity time.
4. Rekindle your romance and physical intimacy. Set out time to “tantalize” yourselves. Sit down with your calendar and be serious about setting time for not being so serious. Set out time to have good sex, not just “quickies”. I do suggest that you read “Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye” and seek to fulfill your spouse’s emotional and physical desires. Let your spouse rediscover you and associate you with pleasure.
I do believe that Marriage is a good thing and it was ordained by God. It is supposed to last a lifetime so have fun being married. Enjoy.
Francis Ebuehi writes on Covenant Relationships. He is a Pastor and a Marriage Counsellor. He has been married for 14 years and has 3 children. He shares his thoughts on relationships regularly on his blog – www.covenantrelationships.org