Most guys will be comfortable directing you on how to please them in the bedroom. What they won’t do is comment on all the weird habits you have that aren’t directly related to intercourse, but that still manage to turn them off. And since men won’t tell you that it’s weird, we will.
Here are 14 odd behaviors women have during sex
1. Answering your BBM or Text
There is a double standard here. If a man answers a text at any point during sex—the initial making out, the foreplay, mid-coitus, or within ten minutes after completion—it’s considered very offensive. The woman immediately feels that she’s just being used for sex, and doesn’t deserve any respect. But then, most women will reach for that phone if it beeps during foreplay or right after completion (rarely during actual intercourse—we’re not that cold!) and think nothing of it.
2. Acting Like a Professional Masseuse
“Is that pressure too much? Is it too warm in here? Higher? Lower?” Speaking in just one octave too high can totally pull your guy out of the mood, and make him feel like you see this sexual encounter as a job. You just want to get it done, and do it well. When asking for any direction, for goodness sake ask in a sensual voice.
3. Mentioning Anyone else… At all
Don’t mention that your best friend’s boyfriend does this thing to her that she really likes in bed. Don’t mention a funny sexual anecdote of your own from a past partner. Don’t mention other people! There’s a very particular mindset a person has to be in to have sex, and usually picturing other people—sexually or not—pulls them out of that mindset. Save your gossiping for later.
4. Keeping Eye Contact
Do you want to know what most men think if you insist on keeping eye contact with them the entire time you’re having sex? “Uh oh. She is going to cling to me until the end of time after this.” Be natural. Let your eyes wander. Close them. Bite him. Lash your head back. Don’t make your guy think you’re trying to see into his soul.
5. Avoiding Eye Contact
Some women have the opposite problem when it comes to eye contact and feel it’s too emotionally intimate. But men need a little eye contact to know that you’re still into things. If you’re flailing your head around in every direction besides his face, he’ll likely think you regret letting him have sex with you. And now you’re trying to pretend it’s not happening.
6. Kissing Compulsively
Some women need to kiss the entire time they’re having sex. Even in positions in which it makes no sense to kiss, they will twist their head, crank their neck, or bend over to be sure those lips are locked. It’s okay to not have that happening the entire time. It doesn’t mean the encounter is purely carnal or the guy’s just using you for sex. It just means he’s paying attention to other sensations right now.
7. Leaving Him In The Dark
Too many women leave their partners in the dark about what gets them off. Instead of explaining, they just make dissatisfied looks and sounds, and make the poor guy play the guessing game with different positions and speeds. No, he actually doesn’t know what that tiny difference in tone means between your first moan and your second moan.
8. Telling Him You Read It Somewhere
It’s okay if you picked up a few magazines to read about tricks in bed. Don’t tell your guy that. It makes you look like you don’t have natural intuition on what to do in bed. You know it doesn’t mean that, but when you tell a guy (as you unzip his pants) “I read about this trick in Cosmo” he just sees an eager school girl that wants an A. And not in a good way
9. Apologizing for Your Landscaping
If you don’t tell the guy, “Oh sorry I haven’t shaved in a few days” or “My heater’s broken so I can’t prepare the wax,” he probably won’t notice. Really, do you know how happy he is just to be let down there? But, once you point out what bothers you about your landscaping, it might bother him.
10. Expecting Him to Undress You
Admit it; sometimes you can barely get in and out of your own clothes! How do you expect a guy to easily, gracefully slip you out of your outfit? It might seem fun to you to lie there and let him undo all five of the buttons on your high-waisted jeans and jimmy your foot out of your knee-high-boot, but he’s just losing his will to live
11. Needing Things to Always be Sensual
Women can be so sensitive about men trying to make a quickie happen, or just flat out asking, “Want to have sex right now?” But it doesn’t mean he likes or loves you any less. It just means sometimes he wants you right now. And doesn’t have patience for all that sensual, seducing song and dance. Be flattered. Don’t be angry.
12. Trying to be Quiet
Too many women are ashamed of the noises they make during sex. But don’t be! Men love those noises! Whether you’re a screamer, moaner, name-caller, dirty-talker or loud panter, it’s better than complete silence. And a guy knows that if you’re trying to control yourself, you’re not enjoying yourself. And then he’s not enjoying himself.
13. Doing Your Bedtime Routine, Right Before Sex
“Wait! I just need to brush my teeth and wash my face and remove my makeup and put on my night cream. THEN we can have sex.” Well, THEN he has lost the urge. Let a man be spontaneous sometimes! You’ll have plenty of time to take off your face when he’s fast asleep after a good romp.
14. Talking Afterwards
Women feel the need to comment on sex when it’s over. As flattering as it may be, post-sex is not the time to give notes on all the things he did that you loved during sex. He doesn’t need you to give him a grade. He just needs to catch his breath, get a drink of water, maybe use the bathroom and go to sleep.
tomilola – has written 258 posts on this site.
I make stuff up for a living and more importantly everybody's entertainment. You'd either love the series or love it ;-) Don't hesitate to drop your comments about my series on here or via twitter, @tomilola_coco.