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IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG IN BEING THE SIDE CHIC?

IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG IN BEING THE SIDE CHIC?

Hi, my name is Nkechi and I’ve never been successful in a relationship. I’ve tried my best in the past to keep one but they kept falling apart.

I’ve been made to think that maybe someone from my hometown is using “remote control” on me so at some point I gave up on trying to start or keep a relationship.

However, in 2010 I met Mark and we kicked if off as friends and unexpectedly emotions creeped in and we started a relationship. Mark changed everything I thought I knew about men. He was gentle and treated me like a real princess. He calls every single day to say good morning and at night to say good night. He sends me chocolates, flowers and sometimes takes me with him on business trips. We’ve been dating for over a year now but there’s one snag, I’m just his “side chic”.

Please before you heap insults on Mark, I didn’t just find out, he told me the moment we shared the first kiss. He even said he would understand if I didn’t want to get sexual with him. He informed me that he had been dating his “main squeeze” for about 6 years before we met.

Recently, my mum got to know about his relationship status and she’s been on my case to stop seeing him.

Dear friends, Is there anything wrong in being THE SIDE CHIC?

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63 Comments

  • I won’t blame u.. Since ma last relationship.. I find maself falling for guyz dat r in a relationship or married… Very painful..bt its nt healthy.. I nid help.. We nid help..

  • when you want more, what will happen?

  • This is funny,I’ll be back when the vultures, the real owners of the boyfriends/husbands come to comment. Ciao

  • @iknow totally agree with you id be back then too…i hope musa shows up too wen the drama gets too much.

  • I seriously Understand this so I won’t judge you, Being a Side chick or rather dating a man in a relationship is not good! But it is something that can’t be stopped unless you discipline yourself! I have never found myself dating a guy in a relationship! But I know lots of people who do that, and my Advice to them is Be patient, there is a man for every lady! And the more you keep being a side chick the more you keep meeting heartless Men! And Don’t forget KARMA IS A BITCH!!!

  • I know it’s not as easy as it sounds but believe me, he doesn’t care abt u n u need to drop him fast. Sexual relationships can be very strong, all he needed wen he came to u was a fresh a**.He got bored wit d main gal n came after u but he wont leave his main squeeze. Once he gets bored wit u, he will move on to someone else but d main gal will still remain. Those r d kind of men who ve no problem cheating even after they r married, claiming dey love dia wives but variety is d spice of life.There ve been cases of side chic becoming d main chic (I’m one of dem) but it’s very rare.In my case, he told me all abt her n dat dey were having problem but i was very young,barely 18 so i didnt ve a prob wit it.We r engaged now but sometimes i still wonder if he had not caught her cheating, wld i still be in d picture.Best of luck in watever decision u make.
    http://www.fabuloucityjunkies.com

  • Would you want someone you love and have been dating for 6 years to have a side chick? I’m guessing your answer is no. Since you wouldn’t want that to happen to you why are you doing it to someone else? Its easy to think it won’t happen to you till it does.

  • sh*t happens…Ladies theres enough to go round so theres no need to feel bad. *wink wink*. Just know that when your own comes,someone somewhere is sharing him with u.

  • i am dating a married man that has a main gurlfriend and i am his 2nd gurlfriend …. it is a terrible situation .. but he still makes me happy…. and flys me around d world … knt complain

  • Pls stay informed that the main squeeze will be shopping for her wedding dress while u entertain mark for her..she may even know about u and be taking the moral high road.

  • TT_Reju

    Yes there is everything wrong in being a ‘side chic’.if u were the ‘main squeeze’ you’ll totally hate the existence of a side chic…so stay off

  • yes, yes there is something wrong with being the side chick (regardless of how he treats you or how cool you are with the situation) Chai. Why would you want to be someone’s side dish when you could be someone’s entree???
    If loving yourself isn’t reason enough not to do this then what about karma? Would you be feeling rosey if your man was giving your time and affection to some next chick?

  • Bin a side chic only give u temporary happiness! U deserve more dan bin a bedwarmer n someone d guy runs too wen tins don’t go well wit d main squeeze!
    When u fall in luv wit him n want more n he can’t give u more dan ur gettn,
    what happens? I know its hard but u have to be strong and take a stand for ur self n also for ur future happiness!

  • I feel it’s jhus fine to be his friend n not get all that intimate. from what yhu say, he seems like a good guy… but would yhu let it fly if yhu were the “main squeeze” n yhu found out? Food for thought…bon appetit! Then do what yhu feel is right, after yhu think it thru..that’z one. Another thing is yhu gotta get God involved..I don’t mean to preach, but when God iz at the centre of it all, yhu cannot be out of the locus or loose focus.. he can be yhur friend buh it’ll be hard for him to decide when itz time to settle down.. Be good.. #L

  • picture this: hes in a relationship, and u are too. ur both f**king so who exactly is the ”side-person”?

  • @PSSSST you are a married man’s second girlfriend but i am def sure u are ur own single boyfriend’s main squeeze. being a side chic would just give u partial happiness cos of the goodies attached. Nkechi, why not leave him for now.u never can tell, it might not actually work out btw Mark and his main squeeze, and he’ll “probably” come back to you. girlfriend, leave now, when the ovation is loudest.

  • About 80% of women in relationships are the side chic, they just dont know it, oh and if you still type in retarded shorthand becoming of a 5yr old, slap yourself

  • Guys,
    Are you people for real?
    Listen,I’m someone’s side chic and hopefully someday i”ll become the main dish.
    I’m only in it for the sex and money. I’m not looking at getting married soon and not even ready for the relationship drama.
    He loves me and that is all that matter to me.
    I know of the main dish and she’s nothing compared to my look.
    He’s told me that he’s planning on dumping her for me and when i take over,i ‘ll block any other side chic.
    We’ve been on for 6months and it’s the best six months of my life.
    I just wrote this from his Ipad cos he’s over at mine for lunch sex break

    • I have never replied someone’s comment before, but I just have to this time.

      You say you are better looking than the main dish, I find it amazing that women think men cheat because the side chick is better than the main dish. It has nothing to do with that, men cheat because we are greedy motherf**kers that can never be satisfied with the same chick. There is a saying that goes ‘Show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I will show you a man that is cheating on her.

      Secondly, you say he told you he will soon dump her. Don’t hold ,you breath.

      Finally, you say when you become the main dish you will block any side chick. Block fire, even if you give him the best sex, best food and even money. If he is going to cheat he will cheat, even if you are James Bond.

      I wish you luck in your relationship. But, remenber if it works out for you it’s by God’s grace not because you are some super chick.

  • Guys,
    Are you people for real?
    Listen,I’m someone’s side chic and hopefully someday i”ll become the main dish.
    I’m only in it for the sex and money. I’m not looking at getting married soon and not even ready for the relationship drama.
    He loves me and that is all that matter to me.
    I know of the main dish and she’s nothing compared to my look.
    He’s told me that he’s planning on dumping her for me and when i take over,i ‘ll block any other side chic.

  • Guys,
    Are you people for real?
    Listen,I’m someone’s side chic and hopefully someday i”ll become the main dish.
    I’m only in it for the sex and money. I’m not looking at getting married soon and not even ready for the relationship drama.
    He loves me and that is all that matter to me.
    I know of the main dish and she’s nothing compared to my look.
    He’s told me that he’s planning on dumping her for me and when i take over,i ‘ll block any other side chic.
    I’m writing this on his Ipad cos he is over at mine for lunch sex break.
    I’m out

  • I love Imeo’s comment. It is wrong to be d side chic or side guy for dat matter,but sadly it is so rampant. And even the people crucifyn nkechi are guilty oh. Just saying,before I get crucified too.

  • There’s nuthn wrong until u see it as wrong…i think u shud ride on if ‘a side chic’ is all u wanna be buh if u bliv u deserve better,don’t hesitate to take a hike!

  • Consenting to be som1’s side chick is just sad.
    Its either you Ĥανє low self esteem or u ‎​я̩̥ just in it ‎​Ƒσя τ̲̅ђe money ….

  • Apparently, there’s a shortage of good men and the ratio is quite high; 20good guys:70bad ones:10gay guys. Apart from some who suffer from low self esteem, others just go wit d flow for selfish reasons. I mean I am dating a married man because no single guy considers me good enough(silly reason some might say). He came at a time when my self esteem was battered n did all I’ve always wanted a guy to do.
    I know abt Karma and I also know about being lonely.
    Pls don’t judge me. I know I’m being selfish and things but it makes me feel better knowing his wife nags him often and curses his bile out( two things that pushed him to me).
    Before y’all start spewing shit, I’m not entertaining thots of replacing her. I’m just in d moment, enjoying companionship and adulation. I am a side chick, and for now, I am not complaining
    @poster whatever floats ur boat, but u knw what they say…wat goes around, comes around….a saying I’m too familiar with already.
    Btw a lotta women r side chicks in denial…

    • No judgement here girl, just be careful. Not just with your heart but his wife. We laugh about this all the time but crimes of passion are so real. Not all women take to their knees to fight their husband’s distractions.

  • trust me if u were d main gal, u guys wud still end up breaking up!buh u guys will last for a very long time

  • Nkechi, none of us here can judge you. It is going to be very easy for you to really fall for this “good” guy and guess what he will tell you then, “I was upfront with you and I can not leave my 6 year relationship”.

    I am not sure how great of a guy he is. If he was such a great guy, he would not be leading a double life. I am weary of people like that because they are usually careless with their dealings. He might or might not be dealing with other women…in a reckless manner.
    Some guys in his situation have run off with a totally new girl once he gets the (you know what) to call it off with his main girlfriend. Their excuse is…I can’t stay with my side chic because she is liable to cheat, since she was ok cheating with me.

    Mark is getting good “loving” from you and he will do whatever to keep it that way. If you are fine with his heart being somewhere else, then go ahead. The minute I found out I was the side piece, I left. I was so angry at myself for something I couldn’t control, I felt disrespected because the guy did not see it fit to make me #1. I have a pretty good head on my shoulders so I know I was worth more than just being an escape from reality. The guy in question was wonderful but I wouldn’t say he was a good guy. A good guy would not knowingly deceive the people he claims to love and he definitely would not put a good woman in his back pocket, restricting her from finding her own happiness.

    You know how we women always want to know if our men have self discipline? Well this one has shown that he will be quick to look elsewhere once he gets bored. Unless you want to remain his side-chic, this man has proven he is not so great a catch.

  • about “KARMA’ commin round to bite you cos you were som1’s side chic in the past…i beg to differ, realistically, almost all Nigerian men will cheat at some point regardless. On the issue of judging Nkechi, u really cannot know how it hurts more than the person wearing the shoe, personally i’m way too jealous on the issue of love to “knowingly” share but if she can handle it and it gives her happiness no matter how short-lived..then i guess its fine..

  • I kno Its super easy 2 become a side chic, we girls often get carried away by our emotions nd 4get wats important…nd d truth is..once a side always a side chic..hez nt gonna wake up one mornin nd decide 2 marry u..so save urself d pain nd heartache nd end it while U can* ul find sum1 who wants 2 make u his “Main squeeze”

  • isn’t it just crazy that while there are so many single guys out there looking for ‘the one’, there are other guys in blissful relationships enjoying the added bonus of a “side-chick”?? The reason in my opinion is dat they’re better @ treating a woman right! And dats d reason why Mark has been able to keep a relationship for 6 years! Guys u need to clean up ur act and appreciate these wonderful women..
    Meanwhile Nkechi, I dnt jugde u cuz I’ve been in ur shoes only I didn’t know it and when I found out, I summoned up courage and left (even when I had fallen for him)dat situation cuz I know I deserve better.. U should be strong, there’s nothing wrong with being single,just wait and someone who is man enough and deserves u will come along..

  • @Whiz K, try to follow the trend here. Almost everyone who drops a comment here writes properly, and “yhur” writing was sick! Sometimes, I wish i wasn’t married, cos whenever there’s a slight misunderstanding between me and my husband, he threatens to go out there for a ‘side chic’ or even “remarry”. It can be so frustrating! Sometimes,I wish I had remain single and be someone’s side-chic. There’s nothing as bad as being married, yet have some sense of insecurity. Yet,the marriage is barely 2yrs. Who knows what he’ll do in months to come? I don’t know too:( *opens both palms sideways*

  • *remained

  • Its easy for y’all to sit around and be the pastor/counsellor. Lets be realistic, shit happens!Its a 50-50 thing, may or may not work out for you.if you’re gonna leave him, dont do it cos of karma cos ur man will cheat on you even if he meets you as a virgin,period! Maybe you should try to make him your “side guy”, tell him u’re seeing someone now even if you’re not and make yourself less available. Then you would know how much he values you……or not.
    NB: this is not a 100perc fool proof plan :)

  • What’s next after being a side chick so long.
    U turn to a Desperate Single Lady hoping for any type of man to take you to the altar just to get married …. Make the right choice today … #ItIsImportant

  • If he makes u happy fine..its ok to live in the moment buh if u can leave him den u should cuz don’t 4get u also deserve to be someone else’s “main squeeze” buh den again if u cnt pls feel free to enjoy yasef..evry1 is a “side chick” at one point or the other!

  • The point here is you really shouldn’t be asking this question because we all know there is something wrong with being a Side chic!! Its better you say “please help me out I’m confused”.Then we’l know u’r being sincere and u really nid our opinions…but anyway as a Guy who has had side chics I can tell you that u’r really just building castles in the air…cos its very likely there’s no future for both of you…so I suggest the earlier you try to get a relationship of yours the better for you….I know its going to be difficult but you shouldn’t give up..u can even keep dating dis dude until ur Mr right comes along but basically u need to come to terms with the fact that He belongs to someone else and probably would not belong to u at the end of the day so do the Right thing and Woman up!! Let him go you’l definetely find someone else…God will ensure that.

  • why would you wanna be some guys side chick to me thats stupidity please your dere for side and his there planning how he will get married to his main chick to be he has used you like a trash can sorry to say.you can be sumone’s main chick and you are here wasting time my dear get your senses back oh that is not love or enjoyment that is lust nd stupidity and stay clear of sumone’s boyfriend you wont want sumone to that to you so why do it someone get a life and if u dont ave sense to think well please purchase biko

  • why would you wanna be someone’s side chick my dear your being stupid oh dont you want a future please get out of that thing called relationship or side chick whatever you have been used like a trash can and why are u with sumone’s bf thats not fair you know.he just like you your just dere for the good fuck or when his bored get a life and some sense if u dnt have one please get one osiso oh life is too short stop decieving urself please

  • and if i were you i will get a bf if u still wanna be his side chick get into serious relationship and him to will be your side guy so when he dumps you or u dump him you wont be the looser

  • @ kini…pls DO NOT get fat! Make sure u stay fabulous so u can threaten your husband with going out for guys too. If u grow fat (I’m assuming you’re not) and you threaten him, he’ll make jest of you with his Angelina (all side chics bear this name) over a plate of asun & star.
    @poster…its not nice being a side chic, karma yada yada yada. I believe issues should be tackled from the root(s). Why exactly did u choose to become the 2nd best in the first place? (Pun not intended). Loneliness? Fear of being alone? Low self esteem? Sex? “I-gas-to-belong-to-people that have boyfriend-group”? Ask yourself this & convince yourself why you wouldn’t wanna be the 2nd or 100th best.
    Why can you not be the main lips he kisses, the main breasts he touches, bla bla bla? Its better being someone’s main. I don’t like the fact that u went into it knowingly too…u ar ehurting the main chic tho she doesn’t know it…yet!
    I guess from all these, you know my stand…
    The prayer is “GOD PLS LET US REALISE WHICH CHIC WE ARE & FAST!!!”

  • Get pregnant for him. That should sort everybody out. You, him, and main squeeze.

  • Its very easy to judge from the sidelines.
    Whatever floats your boat babe,just keep your heart wide open.
    And for all the karma people,regardless of whatever you did or didn’t do,if he’s going to cheat,he probably will.

  • But some people can preach sha. I don’t think Nkechi is complaining about being a side chic oh. And I know guys who have dumped the main chic for a side chic. With guys there is really no win-win. They will always do what they wanna do.

  • Camilla was the side chic. Look where she is now. Life isn’t always black and white. Things don’t always go the way they’re suppose to. Shit happens. Enjoy my dear. But enjoy with a plan. So if it turns around to bite u in the bumbum, u’ll have really long nails to scratch! Oh and before u judges eat me raw please endeavour to hold ur cutlery properly. Peace, love and chicken grease!

    • Camilla was Charles love but his family did not approve. She was in the picture long before Diana.

  • And besides, back in the days of yore, when fish was one naira fifty kobo, and a peugeot 504 was 300naira, and madonna was still a sisi, and kanu nwankwo was still 42years old, and babadudu sweet was still the preferred candy… Oh dear I forgot what I wanted to say. Ok I remember now. Back in the days, our grandfathers married 2 or 3 wives. And everybody was happy. All of a sudden there’s so much emphasis on who’s main and who’s side. Abegi jare!

  • For u to ask dis ques, u already kno there’s sth wromg.
    Menwhyl, wen wud 360nobs stop puttin up short, fake, uninteresting stories. Haba, na by force to write?

  • I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a side kick. Even Batman has his Robin and Abija had his Ajan, same way Aki has his Pawpaw and Jordan had his Pippen (Rhymes? No? ok).
    The examples are widespread but not so farfetched. The concept is simple in its complexity. No forest can be made by a single tree – the reason why it’s not good for a tree to be single, the same reason why God said ‘
    it’s not good for man to be alone’. All animals are created equal but some are more equal with other people; not that I’m calling people animal or what not.
    But if you look deeper into the juxtaposition of my random thots above, you will eventually conclude with me that having a Side Kick is perfectly normal.
    In fact, it shouldn’t even be argued.

  • @am I a side chic; thanks so much. I’m not fat, and I don’t intend to. And I’m so used to receiving compliments from people on how pretty I look(before marriage and even now, so nothing has changed about my pretty looks). I’m still as hot as I was before I got married. My husband still compliments on how hot I look even after having a baby. But on the bad days,he’ll reveal his thoughts of having another lady probably because we had some little misunderstanding. I’ve always prayed for a long-lasting marriage, but with the way he convincingly utters his thoughts about “remarrying”..it makes me feel bad. I clocked 24 in April..guess the marriage is too young for this “side-chic/remarry” threat.

  • @ kini, sorry to burst ur bubble but if ur husband is bold enough to threaten u with a side chic, I can bet my left bum bum he already has one (out of d abundance of d heart d mouth speaketh- no be me talk oh! Na bible talk am). But look at d bright side, u’re the main squeeze :D …….mmm like dat counts these days.

  • Its funny how so many people are encouraging chicks to be side pieces and forget karma because their future husbands/boyfriends are going to cheat on them anyway.

    Well DUH…if chicks stopped being side pieces there’d be a lot less cheating, no?!? And if supposedly all men cheat then did it never occur to ya’ll that perhaps when your man is out there cheating, that IS your karma. I swear people, use your freakin brain before you type!

    • Girl, co-sign. I wasn’t gonna comment ’cause this is probably a fake story aimed at getting us to write, but I read the comments & I’m like…damn. I know we’re becoming more liberal & adventurous, but really? We’ve gotten to the point where we’re telling someone to enjoy herself while she sleeps with another woman’s man? WTF?!
      People keep saying men are polygamous in nature..bullshit. All human beings like to have fun. Newsflash: A lot of women like/love sex too…men just have that “it’s a man thing” crap ingrained in our heads ’cause of the way society has been. To say it’s okay to be a side chick because your husband will have one is just stupid. Men get away with what they’re allowed to get away with, but as women become more independent, trust that things are changing.

  • @ Nne, men are polygamous by nature. It aint got nothing to do with karma dear. Get with that! It aint got nothing to do with anything or anyone. Its just the way they are. When u accept that, u’ll always be happy.

    • @IGHO
      No “dear” PEOPLE are SELFISH by nature! And no i won’t accept that my boyfriend/husband/whomever will and should cheat on me because its in his “nature”. There is no freakin polygamy gene so come off it. Don’t try and use fake science to justify nonsense because its complete and utter bull. Its one thing to want to knack every girl in the world, but there’s no need to string your wife or girlfriend along because you also want someone who is going to take care of your house and be at your beck and call while you’re busy out planting your seeds all over.

  • Tried dis side chic fin twice but it didnt work. U̶̲̥̅̊ will kip hoping the guy will leave the GF for you(LIE LIE)..if u like d guy so much dat u wanna b d side chic dont get sexually cos u will definitely fall in ℓ♥√ع wif some1 dat is just using U̶̲̥̅̊ 2 satisfy his sexual urge..No matter wat he
    Will always go back 2 d girlfriend..

  • Wow society(myself included) has lost the ability of telling if something is good or bad,that we now look for means to justify our wrong doings.God please have mercy on us all.

  • One guys main chic is another guys side chic so what r u saying maybe the main for mark is a side chic somewhere else so relax and enjoy u never can tell since they r not yet married u may end up taking the NO 1 spot

  • Nothing wrong with being a side chick… I was my current squeeze side chick for 4years.I didn’t want more,I was having fun(bear in mind I was 19 when we met), kept my heart wide open. In the 4years I left him for about 8Months and had an ‘exclusive’ rship with a total wanker. Somehow we drifted back together after I broke up with the wanker. He eventually left his girl for me (they always had their issues and she wasn’t willing to work on it,I blame him too oh). So now I use his ex bad rship to my full advantage. I know exactly why he kept me as a side chick. The sex was faboosh, I didn’t nag (why should I anyway, dude is 100% undiluted fun) and he liked to talk about feelings (isn’t that what all women want?). So really my dear its ur choice,make d best of it, have a good time jare, if u become the main ‘madam’ well u can choose to enjoy it, and if u wanna be side chick till either of you gets bored,still wish you the very best. And for those saying one becomes a desperate single babe, I bet y’all hv parents that hv been forcing marriage down your throats since y’all hit puberty. Some of us are lucky yea, we get married when we are Psychologically ready not when family and society dictates. :).

  • I must confess, the comment above me is hardcore. Five stars babe, you’ve got a fan.

  • Nicole way to go girl! U have the complete recipe for a happy life. As for the rest of y’all that see life as a one way street.. Good luck to all ur doomed to be miserable asses. Peace, love and chicken grease!

  • i’m all for having fun but why does it have to be with someone else’s man rather than someone single? Your fun should never be at someone else’s expense, no matter how miserable the guy’s relationship is with the main. If his relationship is that messed up tell him to man up and leave. #IJS

  • @Nicole, I concur with views…thumbs up.

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