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Okay, I know I was supposed to post a bit of this on Friday but I took an over dose of Alomo bitters and spent the entire night hurting my right hand because my Thursday date didn’t show up.

Okay that’s not true. I decided to give you a more comprehensive one today.

I’m sowee.

Saturday, September 11th 2010 – ABUJA (SLU…shh Day)

Dear Diary,

I woke with a banging headache, no thanks to my drinking the champers straight from the bottle the night before. I must have had so much to drink.

I searched the bedside table for my phone but it wasn’t there. I put my hand under the duvet to search for it and that was when I felt skin.

Ooooobara Jesus!

Different thoughts flashed through my mind. “Maybe the room service lady came to make my bed, found me naked with the normal early morning erection and decided to go on some DIY breakfast in bed” or “Maybe, I came back to my room with Anna”.

Let me tell you about Anna.
I can’t remember how we got talking but I can remember our first meeting. Anna flew into Gidi for HHWA but we couldn’t see during the day ‘cos I was at work. Later at night, whilst hanging with the boys, i got a BBM from her…

Anna: Hey Nobs. What’s up? I’m at Caliente

Nobs: I’m at Marquee with my boys but we are heading that way soon to support eLDee.

Anna: I’m here, hurry up, cup cake.

Got to Caliente and it was packed. Got into the VIP section and there she was in a short gold dress. She was looking like a dish you would love to take away but Ayo and her friend were waiting for me at home so there was no way I was going to take Anna home.

We got grinding dancing and while I was cupping her ass her dress rode up, she left it that way and I didn’t take my hands off either. The more we danced, the more creative I got with my fingers. We were at it when I got a BBM from Ayo asking me to come home.

Nobs: Babes. I gats to go.

Anna: I’m staying at Eko Hotel. Are you going to come for breakfast?

Nobs: I’ll try.

Anna: Where did you park? Inside?

Nobs: Inside.

Anna: Let me walk you to you car.

Nobs: Sure

We got to the car and she went straight to the passengers’ side, opened the door, sat down and closed it.

Anna: So, do I get a good night kiss?

Nobs: You can have whatever you want.

We started kissing and my hand stupidly went for the boobs. When I was done with the boobs…I pushed the thong to the side and inserted two ********.  She lost it and for a quick hot minute we forgot we were in a car parked under a tree in a club house with hundreds of people walking about.

Anna: Now Nobs ..Undo your fly…

Nobs: Don’t spill.

Anna: Won’t spill.

She got it out and circled it with her lips. Believe me, some skills are not acquired in school. She was good.

Anna: Do you have a CD?

Nobs: I need to reach the boot.

Anna: Be fast!

Nobs: I need to let this go down first.

Anna: Nobs, we don’t have such time. Fly your shirt and get getting.

Few seconds later the driver’s seat was down and Anna’s dress was lifted up with the thong shifted to the side.

She kept in touch afterwards until one day she got angry and took me off her BB.

Why am I talking about Anna? Cos I saw her at Aqua and we discussed something about going home together.  I lifted the duvet and it was Zainab my-we-are-just-friends friend. I then remembered her telling me that she would stay over in my room.  Thank God nothing happened cos I promised Tiffany that I would keep myself clean for her sake.

3.20pm-The Pre SLU…shh/Play Pool Party
Gigs came through with A to get me for the Pool party. We got to the venue and while I was still posing, some boys headed by Elvis threw me into the pool and I quickly joined Phury’s winning team.

I love pool parties.  There is always so much on show for the girls that aren’t afraid to share with the public what God gave them.  And as for the other girls that don’t end up in the pool, I’ll say no one should really judge them  as there was nowhere to keep their “Body magic” suits.

BTW, I think 98% of ladies who say, “Put off the light and I’ll undress myself” before sex should totally declare their “Body Magic”.

It was all volleyball and things until my eyes caught the girl in the yellow bikini.  I swear it was not because of the bikini but there was something about her. I was trying so hard for her to notice me but I think she only noticed me at the times that I served the ball. I even considered fainting so I could get a mouth to mouth from her but the risk of getting a mouth to mouth from another dude stopped me.

I kept winking at her but I guess she couldn’t notice because of the net. Each time I served in her direction, I ended up hitting the ball over the pool area. I tried and I even wanted to ask her to be my date for the ABE but I was scared she was going to turn me down.

Note to all that attended the pre SLU…shh/Play pool party. If you are reading this and you know the girl in the yellow bikini,  please beg her to add me on BBM and I’ll quit writing Memoirs of a SLU…shhkid.

11.00pm-Play Sports and Grill Bar (SLU…shh Time)
I hate the role I play during SLU…shh parties. I stand by the door to ensure that the right set of people get in. I move around to make sure that everybody is okay. I was busy moving around jor and can’t really tell so much about the actual event but you just have to be on the look out for the pictures.

But let me digress for a quick second…..

Is it just me or do we have too many open gay ladies in Abuja than any part of the country? I’ve got noffin against them, I’m only asking so please don’t take it personal. If there was anything I would want for Christmas, it would be to watch them play a BBA Sheila-Tatiana for me.

Back to ABE…

So I tried to dance and at some point got dancing with a lady who was also catching trips with my boy that same night. Well, we can’t talk about her cos that would be giving her some credit.

I noticed a really big lady on the dance floor but I won’t say anything about her since I’m undergoing treatment for “Iburuibuphobia”-The fear of big boned people referred to as fat people by some people.

During one of my waka about, I saw Yellow Bikini dancing with a dude and I think she smiled when our eyes met but I wasn’t so sure because the venue was dark and my eyes were red from the chlorine in the pool. I didn’t have enough liver to walk up to her and she was so into her partner.

Red eyes from the pool, so many waka about during SLU…shh and tired as F**K, I went back to my hotel room alone to think about Tiffany.

Believe, SLU…shh was so mad that it turned Aqua water  to white.

Sunday, September 12th 2010 (ABJ – Gidi)

Dear Diary,

I woke up with Las gidi on my mind and I couldn’t stop thinking of my date with Tiffany.

The minute the aircraft touched down, I switched on my phone and called Tiffany.

Tiffany: Hey Boo

Nobs: I’m here. Where are you?

Tiffany: Ikoyi.Will you come get me?

Nobs: I’m off to a meeting at Robert’s café. Please come through when you are done.

Tiffany: Okay, baby.

I went for my meeting with M and his team. I can’t remember the details of the meeting cos I kept looking at the door waiting for the moment when Tiffany would walk in.

She finally came through dressed in the best combo of red and black that I’ve ever seen. She sat beside me and in few minutes, she started rubbing my head. I tried not to enjoy the rubbing but that didn’t work.

Meeting over, we went to my car for the agreed 30minutes date.

Tiffany: Nobs, we’ve spent part of the agreed 30minutes in there.

Nobs: No amount of time spent with you would be enough. So where is he?

Tiffany: He’s home.

Nobs: So will your driver tell?

Tiffany: He’s just a cab driver. I took a cab cos of you.

Nobs: That’s actually a turn on. So what excuse did you give him?

Tiffany: I told him my friend would drop me off after salon.

Nobs: Come here (pulled her in and started kissing her).

She tried to stop me but the instant our lips met, her body gave up and her hands went round my head. I enjoyed teasing her by pulling back my lips each time she tried locking them. We were at it until he called.

Tiffany: Nobs, you know am off to England tomorrow?

Nobs: Yup. For how long?

Tiffany: Two weeks

Nobs: Can I ask for a favour?

Tiffany: Anything for you, Nobs.

Nobs: Does he check your travel document?

Tiffany: Nope.Why?

Nobs: Arrive a day earlier and we’ll spend it together.

Tiffany: I can work something out. Boo, you are a bad influence. I’ve not done this before but I like it so much and I don’t want us to stop. I hope I don’t get caught.

Nobs: It simple. Don’t keep any of my sms or save my name. Use Chibuzor. If I call you answer and say “I’m having a good time with my boo”. Never avoid my calls.

Tiffany: Nobs, you an expert.

Nobs: Nope..I’m just into you.

Tiffany went home and travelled the following day. Now I can only reach her via twitter.

Tiff, if you are reading this, all I ask for is one night. All I want to do is; eat Ice Cream off your nipples body.

Friday, September 17th 2010

Dear Diary

Work was a female PMSing dog and I needed just the right amount of Ice Cream to calm my nerves.
Hooked with Temy at Ice Cream factory and we had a fat one.

I was home seeing a movie when my phone rang. The message was simple “Nobs, tonight we soar”.
It was the usual Marquee—–Auto Lounge———home @ 6am.
I’m yet to properly rest fully from Abuja so I wasn’t thinking kele but even if I was the sight of this girl’s private part changed my knowledge of what that place should look like.
She had tights on and noffin more. Each time her skirt went up, the sight insulted me.

I got home at the same time my neighbours were saying their morning prayer. It made me feel like a bad boy but thank God I was keleless.

Saturday, September 18th 2010

Dear Diary,

I thought I was going to stay home all through but the mention of an evening at Ice Cream factory got me driving. It was a swell time as usual and I kept looking at the door hoping that somehow Tiffany would show up.

Drove to Bacchus to support a friend. Stopped over at play ground and it was break time.

I was tired from the night before and had to go home for the much needed sleep.

Sunday, September 19th 2010
My Sunday was spent at home and I only went out to support NACK in the evening then Marquee for a brief meeting.
I was driving home from Marquee when my phone rang.

Nobs: Yo!

Shirls: Where are you?

Nobs: On my way to check out the venue for the 360nobs pool party.

Shirls: Is there anyone at yours? Don’t answer that. I don’t care. Ask her to go.

Nobs: There’s no one. Are you coming over?

Shirls: Before nko did I just call to hear your voice?

Nobs: Olodo oshi

Shirls: Keep food for me.

Nobs: Cool beans.

Few minutes after I dropped my phone, I got a BBM message from my sister.

Chaa: Biola is here. She said she wants to surprise you.  I’m just telling you just in case you are coming with someone.

Nobs: OMG!!!!…Not tonight!!!

Dates to note:
September 25th: 360nobs pool Party;  September 25th: Saturday Night @ BASE BAR, Silverbird galleria

Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe

Nobs is a SLU…shh trust fund kid who works just to exercise his body and mind. He’s “Unruly” but as calm as the “ABE” boys. Referred to as FYI (Fly, Young and Igbo) by his friends, Nobs says iT tHe wAy iT iS. Follow him on Twitter @nobsdaslushhkid Enough of the English language……..My name is Noble Igwe,go figure!


  1. wow….the name of the chick in y’ello bikini is tracy…but i cant give you her BB cuz i want you to write this blog….you are living the life I wanted to….shame i got married(Incase u’re reading this luv, you know i am just kidding baby)

  2. Hey Nobs…finally!!! went back to week 18 to makesure you didn’t leave anything out from the highlights and voila you did! what happened to the part about a threesome in abuja…? anyway, nice piece…have a great week and stay deliciously naughty!!!

  3. Crazy.
    Real crazy.Started reading your diary last week and I am almost sure I’ve read all the previous editions I missed.
    Keep it up!

  4. “And as for the other girls that don’t end up in the pool, I’ll say no one should really judge them as there was nowhere to keep their “Body magic” suits….

    *DEAD*!!!! LMAO!

    but honestly girls, d other day one of my male friends was complaining bout our spanx/body magic things..
    first, he said, it was ‘False advertising’. like wonderbra! two, by the time d girl struggles out of the thing, he’s nt interested anymore!
    and i haven’t met ANY GIRL/WOMAN/LADY, not ONE who can get out of a shaper sexily. it’s like pulling on tight jeans, not sexy! LOL!!

    nice read this week Nobs, thumbs up!

  5. @ nuella I can’t stop laughing @ your comment”but honestly girls, d other day one of my male friends was complaining bout our spanx/body magic things..
    first, he said, it was ‘False advertising’. like wonderbra! two, by the time d girl STRUGGLES out of the thing, he’s nt interested anymore!” I can’t stop laughing!!!

    Oluwanoble IGWE u bad pass 2face ooo!! u are in trouble na MORTAL KOMBAT btwn shillss and Biola! I hope you don’t get bursted sha! This read was surely worth the wait

  6. Nobs u’re a bad guy 4real,i alwaz wanted to meet u but after reading all this ehnn fear catch me o but u nor still sharp pass tuface…So why didnt u talk about Omawumi’s fuck up in Abuja?…lol Nice Blog thou.

  7. Hahahaha! I can’t stop laughing at d body magic part. I got a frnd who has both body magic and some padded pant so it’s like a suit.d top part adds an extra cup size n lifts d bust, d middle slims d waist n gives extra curves while d down part gives extra nyash n hips! Nawa oh! D oda day I ws over @ hers, it ws almost a struggle to get zipper up. She had to ask for my help! Lmao….some girls dey try oh!anyways wateva wrks for one,who am I to judge since I wear bra only a few times a wk n I hardly eva wear panties! Nice one nobs!!!

  8. Wow!can’t believe I actually luk forward to ur memoirs every monday…and anytime I see d new post on twitter I just go yay!!! I’m definitely gonna tell my friends and tell dem to tell their friends so I won’t be d only one enjoyin dis…lemme start by placing it on my bbm status.
    Very nice read nobs

  9. Nice one my nobs…using ur wonder ways on my ex girlfriend and it seems to b working…we made out d day we saw each oda after not speaking to her for close to a year….shirl shld pls bitchslap dat biola…wetin she dey find sef..

  10. Tracy: ” Hi…I hear u have been sershed 4 moi. I’m delightful to meet u.” lwkmd, imposterrrrrrr. no be only delightful to meet you.
    @ nobsie, boy are u in for some over due yawa drama.

  11. Nobs point out Omawumi’s issue on this Blog…That Girl cant just get it with her Razz self…u 4 nor skip that part sha..Na wah 4 u oooooo Noble Biko

  12. Yoh Nobs! Wuts gainon!well this is ma first post,so in case u gt to read this acknowledge me aii…Btw ur piece is ill man(dats a props)…keep it up and try to Bang dt hauwa girl! I also fink peeps cud hook up here and live life lyk Nobs…so if ur interested drop ur PIN…

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