Tina: Gosh, I so can’t stand Aisha she is so self centred and full of her self, especially ever since she got that promotion. Can you imagine what she said to me?
Jane: Na wa for Aisha o, what did she say?
Tina: She told Amina that in my mind I felt I was too pretty, Can you imagine the cow?
Jane: Some girls are just quite silly. So is she pretty herself?
Aisha calls Tina’s phone
Tina: Heeeey sweets, hoooow have you been? (rushes in all her words without Aisha getting a word in) It’s been quite a while, am really missing you o!(giggles). We should all hang out this weekend. Infact, Jane and I have decided to come and see you tomorrow, don’t forget to keep our goodies.
Aisha finally speaks with giggles on the other side.
Tina: Love you too babe, Mwuah!!!
Most of us have been in this particular situation and some of us are still living in it. There is that one friend or a group of friends we just love to hate. We can’t stand everything about them and everything they do irritates us but yet they are still somewhat significant fixtures in our lives. Frenemy is the word used to define such people.
Who is a Frenemy?
A Frenemy is a person who is ostensibly friendly or collegial with someone but who is actually antagonistic or competitive. In simple English; a Frenemy is a person who pretends to be your friend but in reality doesn’t consider you a friend. There has been a lot of talk and articles about Frenemies especially after the phrase was made popular by the 2004 Hollywood movie “Mean Girls” starring Lindsay Lohan.
Frenemies are friends who have a negative and toxic relationship; to the public they appear to be the best of friends which in most cases are true friendships but in some cases the friendships are just for personal gain. Frenemies are more common in women than in men because women have this inborn trait to try and repair broken relationships while men would rather walk away, the other major trait being that women are more competitive in nature. They say friendship is like glass and women treat it very carefully and yet it breaks easily, yet men kick it around and somehow manage to keep it intact. Most women want to be there for their friends and see them become successful but sometimes don’t want their friends to out do them (yeah I know most ladies would read this and lie to themselves that they have never felt like that secretly towards a good girlfriend, be honest with yourself).
Here are some characteristics of a Frenemy.
• Frenemies are friends who stick with you when you are successful and flee when you are in dire need.
• They are very competitive and want to be better than you at everything; if it happens that you are better than them at something they become jealous. You have just started dating this new guy and he takes you out a lot and spoils you silly and always wants to be with you and all your friend can say is “That guy is such a pretender I bet he does that with a lot of girls; I wonder what you see in him, well, I’m not surprised only those type of men find you attractive”.
• A Frenemy would only be around you because you have something they want.
• A Frenemy makes you feel the need to be on guard every time they are around. You find out when you spend time with a Frenemy you feel more terrible about yourself than you felt before, you can’t be yourself or open about a lot of things because you know that every little thing she knows about you she would use to bring you down.
• They rarely give you compliments unless it makes them the star. Preparing for a night out you get all dolled up and into this new dress you just got and your friend says “Your dress is so hot, I got the same dress last week it really looked good on me”.
• You are in public she makes jest of you and make you look like a total idiot; you see a girl in a pair of heels you love and you make a comment about how nice the shoes are and your friend says “Oh shut up, what do you know about style… you are so silly”.
Frenemies mostly may not want to hurt you, but they just want to boost their own egos and feel superior. A lot of us have mistaken Frenemies for real friends and have gotten hurt and disappointed along the way, cutting all ties with such peeps would be the best thing to do but I don’t totally agree. As much as these people are not worth being in our lives we would need them someday, they may have something you are in need of and in some situations they may be the only people that can help. It sounds hypocritical but it does you a lot of good when you have that healthy balance in your relationships with people even if they are not real friends; there is a popular saying “KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER”.